Today was my day to recharge and reset. My mom was thoughtful and present enough to know what I needed when I didn't. It was literally, the offer I was not allowed to refuse. And thank goodness. For the past week or so I have been experiencing a little bit of what it is like to be a single mother or a mother that has very little help. I told myself that I could handle it, because what other choice did I have? Well it ends up I can't. None of us can. We all need something. Some down time. Some time to think. Some time to be alone.
So what did I do today? I went to breakfast and I didn't even look at the children's menu. I went shopping for me. Not for baby clothes or anything that said "T" on the label. And I didn't do it in record time. I went slowly. I went to a movie. That wasn't animated. I didn't let myself "get anything done." I didn't do laundry. I didn't cook. I didn't run errands. And then I came home to silence. The beauty of silence is one that I don't get to experience very often.
It was day without screaming or tantrums. No one was kicking, biting and pushing me. It was a day without diapers and calls for Caillou or ElmoAbby or Bolt or calls for Daddy or any other demands. It was a day for me. Every mom needs one. Not wants, needs. We all need to find a way to do it. Even if its just for an hour or two. If we don't recharge and reset we are useless to our children, our husbands, our jobs or any other responsibilities we have. We will become the definition of burnt out.
I knew how much I needed it when I was in tears this morning because I haven't slept more than two hours at a time for a week. And not more than 4 at a time for just over 11 weeks. And I was in tears when I was driving home alone from watching a movie. Alone. Because I couldn't remember the last time I was alone with thoughts of what I wanted and needed to refill my cup.
We tell ourselves we can do it all because it has become expected of us to be SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperEmployee and it just isn't possible. We have been programmed to do it all and if we complain or feel a little less than totally fulfilled, we suck at it and we did this to ourselves. We need to be loved and respected and once in a while we need someone to take the reins from us. And if it is just on one sunday in May or on our birthday, well that just isn't good enough. If it is out of obligation it stings. We don't want to be a day on a calendar. We don't want to be thought of as "Oh damn. Its mom's birthday. I guess I better call her." We want to be a wednesday. Just because. Because sometimes we are lost and we don't know it until we look up from the carpools and the meal plans and the diapers and preschool and the hell that is bedtime.
So for goodness sakes. Call your mother. Or text your mother. Or email your mother. Show her that you think of her and give her a break. Take her out for coffee or lunch or a glass of wine or shopping. Or just take the kids so she can have a nap or some quiet time to herself. And moms, if you don't get one of these offers, make one yourself. Tell your partners or anyone that can help what you need. Even if you don't know what you need, say something out loud otherwise no one will ever hear you. And it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or your husband. In fact it means the opposite.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Saying Goodbye to Mission City
Yesterday, I dropped Callie off with my mom so I could take Lucia to her 2 month appointment. The crazy girl is almost 12 pounds and her head size is in the 96th percentile (but that's another post entirely!)
Anyway, as I was driving down The Alameda to get to 880, a route I don't usually take leaving my mom's, I took a peek over at my old stomping ground, Mission City Coffee and there was no welcoming neon open sign only a For Lease sign. My heart sank. My home was for lease! A great chunk of my high school, college and post college years were spent at Mission. I met some of my best friends there, worked with them and spent so many late nights there. I met my husband there under less than romantic ideals. I will never forget it. He was sitting at a table wearing (what I was told later was) a rock climbing helmet inside the shop. I walked up to him and told him he was inside you and he could take the helmet off. To which he crazily replied "You never know!!" I walked away shrugging my shoulders, thinking "What a weirdo." Certainly couldn't have predicted that I would have married said weirdo and had two gorgeous daughters with him! Mission was our place. More often that not, we ate a majority of our meals there through college. Mission is where I discovered just how good a hot pastrami sandwich could be and so much more. Mission was home.
When I really stop and think "What was Mission all about?" It was all about John Heller. John Heller was the original owner who found a werehouse type building and saw a place where people would come in and have a cup of coffee. But more than that, he saw a place where people would want to be. John taught me a lot. He showed me that it wasn't about your product, although a good product is important, it was about the connections you made with people over your product. People came in, I'd wager, more for the conversation and his warm Texan smile than the coffee. So much of himself and his family went into Mission and found a way to stay. From the names of his kids on the menu, Jeff's College education (a little dig to his son who just kept going back to school whether it was seminary or a phd program), Tom's 3 Pointer and Lizzie's Slice of Heaven (named for their daughter who sadly died much too young) to his wife's ridiculously good carrot cake and the delectable blueberry scones. Oh man how mad people got when we were out of scones and carrot cake! But I swear, the man must have had stock in 3M. Everything we did, we did on post it notes. If you wanted a job, you wrote your name and phone number on a post it. I wrote my information down for him no less than 5 times before he finally offered me a job. All of our coffee/food orders were on post it notes. The recipes in the back were probably on post it notes. I don't think you could find a person who didn't like John. I will never forget the day I was working with John and Valerie and John out of the blue asked in his Texas drawl "Hey Maria, how's your love life?" The way your dad would ask. We all laughed. I'm sure I told him something, who knows what was going on at the moment. Then he told us about caribou hunting. That was John. Always cared to give himself to you, to his customers, to his shop.
I have so many amazing memories of Mission. Meeting my college roommate Michelle there. Meeting Valerie there. And oh, the trouble we got into together! The costumes we wore to get better tips. Smoking outside on our breaks. Closing early because it was dead and well...because we needed to get to the bar! We would trade Valerie's coffee concoctions with the bartenders for one of their own concoctions. Working sunday mornings and snagging a scone hot out of the oven. It certainly wasn't for the tips. The sunday church crowd was notoriously stingy with tips. I remember working with Big Mike, Elisa, Alicia, Ricardo and so many others. Working with a girl ( I am killing myself trying to remember her name!) who was bipolar and dropped her medication into the chocolate one night. We scrambled trying to find them all! She refused to give pregnant women caffeinated beverages. A word to the wise, be very very nice to people in food service. They hold more power over you than you know! The regulars. Tony who gave me my first motorcycle ride. Bagel Boy. The first boy I was brave enough to give my number to, on a post it note (of course!) in a bag of bagels. Charlie. Kyle. Breck and Louis. Ike. Oh Ike. Somewhere we still have that CD. Jim and his harmonica. The weirdos: The Ugly Shirt Squad, who we found out later were undercover cops scoping out the seedy hotel across the street. Psycho Psychologist Man who hit on everything that moved with zero success. People ordering a non fat decaf latte that I dubbed "the why bother". The people that would be totally bitchy when asking "Ummm. I asked for extra hot?" And oh boy, did I give them extra hot! Pretty sure it was nowhere near an enjoyable coffee drink at that point. Bill's horrendous concoction, The Revolutionary. Ugh. Disgusting. Learning that Bill and I could not and should not work together. When I close my eyes I can see every item on that glass counter. The gooey cream cheese covered carrot cake, the sour cream coffee cake (my favorite!), the oat hockey pucks, the white chocolate biscotti by Shari, the vegan cookies, the chocolate cake, the bagels, muffins and crossaints from the morning delivery, the old school diner style coffee cups stacked precariously for people wanting drip coffee. The rickety chairs, the copper bar, the pile of cigarette butts outside, the milk crates that doubled for chairs and tables out back, the kitchen where you better believe I worked on my spanish, the dirty spoons, the clang of the espresso wands being cleaned out, the cash register that was always breaking, the dripping honey jar and the sugar in the raw sprawled out on the bar.
When John told us he had sold the shop we were crushed and sad. Who would the new owner be? What would he be like? And why didn't he tell us so we could pool our money and buy it? That would be my continuing business fantasy for years to come. It still crosses my mind. Today I would buy it and make it super family friendly like Bumble in Los Altos. Call it Mission City Mamas. Valerie would serve her amazing pastries and desserts, I could do my jams. After John sold it I stayed on for a couple of more years but it was never the same. The new owner took short cuts, the food wasn't as good, the love wasn't there. John was gone. The family dispersed. And eventually I did too. I went back a few times here and there but there were fewer and fewer familiar faces. A couple of years ago one of my fellow teachers and I needed to crank out some Letters of Rec. Ugh. God do I not miss those! She said to me "Have you ever been to Mission City?" I'm pretty sure I laughed. So we went. I was glad to see Jeff was still on the menu. And Michelle's concoction, The Katmandu was still there. More expensive of course, but she was still there. John's chalkboard was still there as well as all of his vintage prints and the coffee print I bought for him when I saw it in Berkeley. The roaster coated with coffee oil, the bags of green coffee beans. I hope someone buys it and makes it a home again. Please, do not let it become Starbucks. That would be the ultimate insult to John. Especially since they tried so hard to take it from him for so long by trying to buy him out or to try to buy out the surrounding businesses, the laundromat, the pawn shop, the convenience store. I find myself wishing I had taken more pictures of my time in Mission, but I suppose its like taking pictures of the rooms in your house. You don't think to do it when you live there because you think it will always be there. But there is one picture I have that my grandma took when she came to visit. She knew to look for me at the coffee shop rather than at home:) Where she saw me and Valerie looking like this:
Anyway, as I was driving down The Alameda to get to 880, a route I don't usually take leaving my mom's, I took a peek over at my old stomping ground, Mission City Coffee and there was no welcoming neon open sign only a For Lease sign. My heart sank. My home was for lease! A great chunk of my high school, college and post college years were spent at Mission. I met some of my best friends there, worked with them and spent so many late nights there. I met my husband there under less than romantic ideals. I will never forget it. He was sitting at a table wearing (what I was told later was) a rock climbing helmet inside the shop. I walked up to him and told him he was inside you and he could take the helmet off. To which he crazily replied "You never know!!" I walked away shrugging my shoulders, thinking "What a weirdo." Certainly couldn't have predicted that I would have married said weirdo and had two gorgeous daughters with him! Mission was our place. More often that not, we ate a majority of our meals there through college. Mission is where I discovered just how good a hot pastrami sandwich could be and so much more. Mission was home.
When I really stop and think "What was Mission all about?" It was all about John Heller. John Heller was the original owner who found a werehouse type building and saw a place where people would come in and have a cup of coffee. But more than that, he saw a place where people would want to be. John taught me a lot. He showed me that it wasn't about your product, although a good product is important, it was about the connections you made with people over your product. People came in, I'd wager, more for the conversation and his warm Texan smile than the coffee. So much of himself and his family went into Mission and found a way to stay. From the names of his kids on the menu, Jeff's College education (a little dig to his son who just kept going back to school whether it was seminary or a phd program), Tom's 3 Pointer and Lizzie's Slice of Heaven (named for their daughter who sadly died much too young) to his wife's ridiculously good carrot cake and the delectable blueberry scones. Oh man how mad people got when we were out of scones and carrot cake! But I swear, the man must have had stock in 3M. Everything we did, we did on post it notes. If you wanted a job, you wrote your name and phone number on a post it. I wrote my information down for him no less than 5 times before he finally offered me a job. All of our coffee/food orders were on post it notes. The recipes in the back were probably on post it notes. I don't think you could find a person who didn't like John. I will never forget the day I was working with John and Valerie and John out of the blue asked in his Texas drawl "Hey Maria, how's your love life?" The way your dad would ask. We all laughed. I'm sure I told him something, who knows what was going on at the moment. Then he told us about caribou hunting. That was John. Always cared to give himself to you, to his customers, to his shop.
I have so many amazing memories of Mission. Meeting my college roommate Michelle there. Meeting Valerie there. And oh, the trouble we got into together! The costumes we wore to get better tips. Smoking outside on our breaks. Closing early because it was dead and well...because we needed to get to the bar! We would trade Valerie's coffee concoctions with the bartenders for one of their own concoctions. Working sunday mornings and snagging a scone hot out of the oven. It certainly wasn't for the tips. The sunday church crowd was notoriously stingy with tips. I remember working with Big Mike, Elisa, Alicia, Ricardo and so many others. Working with a girl ( I am killing myself trying to remember her name!) who was bipolar and dropped her medication into the chocolate one night. We scrambled trying to find them all! She refused to give pregnant women caffeinated beverages. A word to the wise, be very very nice to people in food service. They hold more power over you than you know! The regulars. Tony who gave me my first motorcycle ride. Bagel Boy. The first boy I was brave enough to give my number to, on a post it note (of course!) in a bag of bagels. Charlie. Kyle. Breck and Louis. Ike. Oh Ike. Somewhere we still have that CD. Jim and his harmonica. The weirdos: The Ugly Shirt Squad, who we found out later were undercover cops scoping out the seedy hotel across the street. Psycho Psychologist Man who hit on everything that moved with zero success. People ordering a non fat decaf latte that I dubbed "the why bother". The people that would be totally bitchy when asking "Ummm. I asked for extra hot?" And oh boy, did I give them extra hot! Pretty sure it was nowhere near an enjoyable coffee drink at that point. Bill's horrendous concoction, The Revolutionary. Ugh. Disgusting. Learning that Bill and I could not and should not work together. When I close my eyes I can see every item on that glass counter. The gooey cream cheese covered carrot cake, the sour cream coffee cake (my favorite!), the oat hockey pucks, the white chocolate biscotti by Shari, the vegan cookies, the chocolate cake, the bagels, muffins and crossaints from the morning delivery, the old school diner style coffee cups stacked precariously for people wanting drip coffee. The rickety chairs, the copper bar, the pile of cigarette butts outside, the milk crates that doubled for chairs and tables out back, the kitchen where you better believe I worked on my spanish, the dirty spoons, the clang of the espresso wands being cleaned out, the cash register that was always breaking, the dripping honey jar and the sugar in the raw sprawled out on the bar.
And that is how I will remember Mission. With stars on our heads dancing to The Pixies and Ani Di Franco while people looked at us, shook their heads and smiled.
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Becoming Mother
And of course I think about my own mother. I am blessed that we are so close and have been for many years. But it took on a new intensity when I was able to share that name, mother, with her. I understand so much more about her and why she did the things she did and does. I used to remark to Bill when I got home from work (pre-kids) and I would exclaim "I don't know how my mom did it! She worked all day, took care of her kids and put dinner on the table and I can barely do it without kids!" But now I know how she did it. Because you just do. Because it is important. A simple thing like a family having dinner together can mean so much.
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Some things feel/look like sacrifice when mothers do it, but there isn't really a resentment there because when it's for your kids it is important. That's why you make the tough calls. That's why you say to yourself "No, I don't think I am going to hang out with that person. I don't want them around my kids." I am happy to be the bitch that says "Nobody treats my daughter like that." Beware of the mama bear. It lives it every single mother. She used to always say "You are the best thing I've ever done." For years I didn't get it. And I knew it wasn't something I could ask her to explain. I would think to myself "She has done so many other things, how can this be the one thing she is most proud of?" But I get it. There is nothing else in your life that you pour more of yourself into than your children. And now I find myself thinking the same thing, that Callie and Lucia are hands down the most important work I have ever done. I used to define myself as my job, as a teacher. I still consider myself to be a teacher, my class size is just a little smaller now:) I couldn't imagine a time where I would actually choose to stay at home with my kids. But here I am and couldn't be happier.
There are times that you always need your mama. One thing I think about was the night we took Callie to the ER after she got bit by Milo. It was like I needed her to tell me what to do. I was going back and forth in my head "Do we need to go to the ER??" So I asked my mom and of course she said Yes. But I know now, that I already knew the answer. Advice is what you ask for, after all, when you already know the answer. Then she asked "Do you want me to come with you?" This time I gave the emphatic Yes! I know in retrospect that if she hadn't been there or even if Bill hadn't been there I would've known what to do, those instincts would have kicked in, but having her there to help me was so incredibly helpful.
Another moment I think about was when I was in labor with Callie and she came over to the house. At that point I had been in labor for close to 12 hours and I was at my lowest point. If there had been drugs I probably would have injected myself! She came over to check on me. I saw her and just wanted to collapse into her arms like I was a little girl again. Because let's face it, when we are giving birth we are at our strongest and our weakest. Crazy, unrelenting, mind numbing pain will do that to you. Sometimes you just need your mama to tell you that you can do it. Your doula can say it, your husband can say it, you doctor can say it, but when your mama says it, it's like money in the bank. Our mamas always know who we are at our core. They know how strong we are because they made us that way. 
So a great big thank you to my mom and a happy mother's day to us all!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Happy 2nd Birthday Callie!
My dearest Callie,
How is it possible that you are 2 today?! It feels like just yesterday I was holding you for the first time, wide eyed and amazed that you were with us, safe and sound.
There are so many things that make me thankful for you. Thank you for giving me a new name. And it is my most favorite name. Mama. You will always be my baby. Even though there is now another baby in our house, you are always my first and because of that you will always hold a special place in my heart. You made us all into a family and for that we will always be grateful my little love. You have changed us all in so many ways. Thank you for showing me the wonder in the world all over again. Thank you for showing me "beeps" and counting "1,2,1,2,1" and exclaiming with glee and reminding me that we don't need to rush so much. Thank you for showing me how to be silly and dance and not care what other people think so much.
Callie, you are a sight to behold. You are wild and a little bit crazy but I wouldn't have you any other way. There is good reason that I call you my monkey! I kind of love that you make other moms that we don't know at the playground a tad nervous. I will be honest, there are days that you scare even me, and I don't scare easily, especially not now! We've been through a lot you and I. I always joke with friends that you "hazed" us in the beginning. You were a tough nut to crack but it has made our tender moments all the sweeter.
I love that you are about as far away from girlie as possible. I love that you are your own grrl. And I hope that never changes. I hope you never feel pressured to be more of a "girl." You already are and you are perfect. You are you and you are phenomenal. You are strong and brave and I couldn't be prouder to be anyone's mama. To me you will always be what your name means, the most beautiful girl in the world. So happy birthday my sweet Callie Helena. I can hardly wait to see what you do this year! I LOVE YOU!
But let's make fewer trips to the ER ok? Otherwise your mama might just have a heart attack:)
How is it possible that you are 2 today?! It feels like just yesterday I was holding you for the first time, wide eyed and amazed that you were with us, safe and sound.
There are so many things that make me thankful for you. Thank you for giving me a new name. And it is my most favorite name. Mama. You will always be my baby. Even though there is now another baby in our house, you are always my first and because of that you will always hold a special place in my heart. You made us all into a family and for that we will always be grateful my little love. You have changed us all in so many ways. Thank you for showing me the wonder in the world all over again. Thank you for showing me "beeps" and counting "1,2,1,2,1" and exclaiming with glee and reminding me that we don't need to rush so much. Thank you for showing me how to be silly and dance and not care what other people think so much.
Callie, you are a sight to behold. You are wild and a little bit crazy but I wouldn't have you any other way. There is good reason that I call you my monkey! I kind of love that you make other moms that we don't know at the playground a tad nervous. I will be honest, there are days that you scare even me, and I don't scare easily, especially not now! We've been through a lot you and I. I always joke with friends that you "hazed" us in the beginning. You were a tough nut to crack but it has made our tender moments all the sweeter.
I love that you are about as far away from girlie as possible. I love that you are your own grrl. And I hope that never changes. I hope you never feel pressured to be more of a "girl." You already are and you are perfect. You are you and you are phenomenal. You are strong and brave and I couldn't be prouder to be anyone's mama. To me you will always be what your name means, the most beautiful girl in the world. So happy birthday my sweet Callie Helena. I can hardly wait to see what you do this year! I LOVE YOU!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The Mommy Wars Get Political
I rarely talk about anything remotely connected to a presidential campaign on this blog but when Hilary Rosen spoke about Mrs. Romney saying "she had never worked a day in her life" that puts it in the realm of this blog. Her words were poorly chosen, that is for sure. I imagine her career is pretty much kaput at this point. It did surprise me that there was such a knee jerk reaction to her comments. After all she was talking about a candidate's wife who I assume would in some ways influence her husband's view on what women need in this recession in terms of jobs and support. So I can see both sides of it. I can see the whole put your hand on your hip put on a scowl and exclaim "What did you just say?" but I also see where she was trying to go with it. Instead of it being a conversation about how to get more jobs in the hands of women and their families it became about mommies and the war we wage against each other.
It is sad to me that the mommy wars never seems to abate. And it is a war fought for and by women. We are the ones that fire the shots and take the beatings. We are only hurting ourselves. It seems that we haven't gotten very far in the last 50 years. Why are we still fighting each other over the same petty things?
Work is work whether it is paid or not. All mothers are working mothers. Cliche? You bet. But it is true. I know that I am very lucky and not the norm that I am able to stay home with my girls. And I am so thankful for that opportunity. But it is not without sacrifice. We have made some very lean cuts to our budget in the last two years and will make even bigger ones this year so that I can stay home with Lucia and Callie. We don't go out to eat very often and if we do its to a place like Chili's and boy oh boy it is exciting! We don't go on big vacations. I won't be putting Callie in preschool like I had planned this year but we will wait a year. We have gotten rid of as many luxuries as we can to whittle down our monthly expenses. It is going to be a tough year.
And yes, I could have gone back to work in the fall to be more comfortable financially. But at what cost? I would have lost this precious time with my girls and most likely a very good teacher would have been laid off because of my return. Now of course I could very well get screwed when I come back, since now I have lost my seniority and tenure that took years to build up. But I decided that my job of mother was more important at this point in our family's lives. And I know myself well enough that I would have been miserable in both realms. When I was at work I would feel guilty about not being with the girls and when I was with the girls I would feel guilty about not grading essays or creating dynamic lessons for my students. At this point in my life I am not willing to divide myself so completely when with a little frugality I can focus my attention on my girls.
I take my hat off to the working moms out there. On the days I was subbing last year I really struggled when I came home to deal with Callie in a positive way. I was tired from working and I got home to get her just in time for her cranky time of day. Parenting still occurs after the work day or at least it should. Hopefully all the parenting isn't being outsourced to day care providers. But there were days where I wished I could! I remembered feeling like I had two jobs and they were both hard in their own ways. While I worked during the day it was mentally taxing while my job with Callie was physically taxing. By the time bedtime rolled around I was a wreck. Of course, being pregnant and hormonal didn't help!
Now do I think Mrs. Romney gave up vacations and other luxuries? Doubtful. The Romneys certainly aren't what you would call middle class! I would guess they had a cook and a nanny to help her with her 5 boys. But regardless it was their family's choice and it really isn't anyone else's business to judge who she is as a woman and what her worth is. Sure she is a public figure because of her husband's career choice but then let's make it about him.
Every year the articles come out about what a stay at home mother would make if she was paid. Those articles are interesting but they also reinvigorate the mommy wars. Take a look at the comments page from those articles. It is as ugly as it gets. Working moms think Stay at Home moms are lazy and the stay at home moms think the working moms are heartless. Everyone loses. I just want to go all Rodney King on the situation and plead "Can't we all just get along?" We all work. It is all hard. And we all want to be respected, if not compensated, for the work that we do. Can we just leave it at that?
It is sad to me that the mommy wars never seems to abate. And it is a war fought for and by women. We are the ones that fire the shots and take the beatings. We are only hurting ourselves. It seems that we haven't gotten very far in the last 50 years. Why are we still fighting each other over the same petty things?
Work is work whether it is paid or not. All mothers are working mothers. Cliche? You bet. But it is true. I know that I am very lucky and not the norm that I am able to stay home with my girls. And I am so thankful for that opportunity. But it is not without sacrifice. We have made some very lean cuts to our budget in the last two years and will make even bigger ones this year so that I can stay home with Lucia and Callie. We don't go out to eat very often and if we do its to a place like Chili's and boy oh boy it is exciting! We don't go on big vacations. I won't be putting Callie in preschool like I had planned this year but we will wait a year. We have gotten rid of as many luxuries as we can to whittle down our monthly expenses. It is going to be a tough year.
And yes, I could have gone back to work in the fall to be more comfortable financially. But at what cost? I would have lost this precious time with my girls and most likely a very good teacher would have been laid off because of my return. Now of course I could very well get screwed when I come back, since now I have lost my seniority and tenure that took years to build up. But I decided that my job of mother was more important at this point in our family's lives. And I know myself well enough that I would have been miserable in both realms. When I was at work I would feel guilty about not being with the girls and when I was with the girls I would feel guilty about not grading essays or creating dynamic lessons for my students. At this point in my life I am not willing to divide myself so completely when with a little frugality I can focus my attention on my girls.
I take my hat off to the working moms out there. On the days I was subbing last year I really struggled when I came home to deal with Callie in a positive way. I was tired from working and I got home to get her just in time for her cranky time of day. Parenting still occurs after the work day or at least it should. Hopefully all the parenting isn't being outsourced to day care providers. But there were days where I wished I could! I remembered feeling like I had two jobs and they were both hard in their own ways. While I worked during the day it was mentally taxing while my job with Callie was physically taxing. By the time bedtime rolled around I was a wreck. Of course, being pregnant and hormonal didn't help!
Now do I think Mrs. Romney gave up vacations and other luxuries? Doubtful. The Romneys certainly aren't what you would call middle class! I would guess they had a cook and a nanny to help her with her 5 boys. But regardless it was their family's choice and it really isn't anyone else's business to judge who she is as a woman and what her worth is. Sure she is a public figure because of her husband's career choice but then let's make it about him.
Every year the articles come out about what a stay at home mother would make if she was paid. Those articles are interesting but they also reinvigorate the mommy wars. Take a look at the comments page from those articles. It is as ugly as it gets. Working moms think Stay at Home moms are lazy and the stay at home moms think the working moms are heartless. Everyone loses. I just want to go all Rodney King on the situation and plead "Can't we all just get along?" We all work. It is all hard. And we all want to be respected, if not compensated, for the work that we do. Can we just leave it at that?
Friday, April 13, 2012
Lucia: 1 Month
It is hard to believe that we have had Miss Lucia with us for a whole month already!
I can't fathom how fast this is all going. It felt so agonizingly slow with Callie. But, everything has been as different as possible it seems from how it was with Callie.
I don't mind the sleepless nights too much this time around. Would it be nice to sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time? Sure. But my time with Lucia when the sun is sleeping is sometimes the only one on one time I get with my little miss. I also know the sleepless nights will end. When you are going through it with your first you are totally and utterly convinced that you will never, ever, ever sleep again.
Miss Lucia is generally a mellow lady. Again, completely opposite of her sister. And thank the heavens she is! Two active girls might just kill me. She cries for food and when she is gassy but that is about it. She nurses so much better than Callie did. Last time around I probably should have bought stock in Lansinoh for how often I was using the lanolin and warm compresses.
I am just loving on her so much it is crazy. I love being with her. I especially love the alone time we get when Callie is with Grandma Tere. It is peaceful and quiet and I just get to be with her and relish the moments we have together. I feel like I rushed Callie to get older and move past each stage too fast that this time I am almost trying to will time to stand still so I can be in each moment.
But that is not to say the past month has not been without its trials. When she got sick at 10 days old and was vomiting and refusing to eat this mama was scared out of her wits. But we got very lucky. She was ok and gained weight. I'm pretty sure the whole ordeal took a few years off my life. So we've definitely been a little more reclusive this time around with visitors as a result, but we are slowly coming out of our shell with park playdates for Callie and visits at the house.So hopefully we will see all of you soon!
I can't fathom how fast this is all going. It felt so agonizingly slow with Callie. But, everything has been as different as possible it seems from how it was with Callie.
I don't mind the sleepless nights too much this time around. Would it be nice to sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time? Sure. But my time with Lucia when the sun is sleeping is sometimes the only one on one time I get with my little miss. I also know the sleepless nights will end. When you are going through it with your first you are totally and utterly convinced that you will never, ever, ever sleep again.
Miss Lucia is generally a mellow lady. Again, completely opposite of her sister. And thank the heavens she is! Two active girls might just kill me. She cries for food and when she is gassy but that is about it. She nurses so much better than Callie did. Last time around I probably should have bought stock in Lansinoh for how often I was using the lanolin and warm compresses.
I am just loving on her so much it is crazy. I love being with her. I especially love the alone time we get when Callie is with Grandma Tere. It is peaceful and quiet and I just get to be with her and relish the moments we have together. I feel like I rushed Callie to get older and move past each stage too fast that this time I am almost trying to will time to stand still so I can be in each moment.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
The Mama Drama Guide to Baby Gear: Updated List
Since we have more friends having their first babies in the next few months I thought I would revisit my Baby Gear list with some additions. The original post is here and I still agree with all of it! With a few additions:)
Blankets
You will use a lot of them! People love giving new parents knitted blankets which is a really nice idea and it's awesome that people want to make you something, but honestly, those blankets are pretty much the worst type of blanket to use with a new baby. They aren't terrible warm or portable (i.e. won't fit in a diaper bag) and they are just too easy for a little one to get their fingers, hands and arms stuck in between those stitches. I'm sure when the girls are older they will work just fine. But the best blankets are simple cotton, fleece or flannel blankets. I had a good friend make some gorgeous flannel blankets for both my girls and they are still my go to blankets. We got this super soft blanket this time around and we love it! Callie loves the owls and putting it on her sister:)
Diaper covers
Since we have used cloth diapers for Callie for the last two years and we are also using them for Lucia, we have a lot of these! This is one type we have a lot of made by Bummis. They aren't too expensive (comparatively speaking) and they are quite durable. They stand up to lots and lots of washings, which is a little surprsing given the velcro. The only downside is when the baby is still little (like Lucia) the bottom of the diaper cover is too bulky for their clothes. Enter the Thirsties Duo Wrap. It has snaps on the bottom to shorten the material. Very handy!
Diaper pail
We looked at the Diaper Genie but didn't like the fact that you have to buy their brand of bags to use with them. A friend told me about the Diaper Champ and that's what we use. The only thing I don't like about it is that if you are using cloth diapers it gets full fairly fast. But you can use whatever kind of bag you want. We found a washable, reusable liner that we are using with the cloth diapers. The diaper champ seals in the odor pretty well, which is the goal:)
Wipe warmer
I didn't opt for this the first time around but figured I would give it a shot this time, especially since Callie hates getting changed. It has made diaper changes go quite a bit smoother. Wish I had bought it from day 1. Is it something you absolutely NEED? No, but it is nice to have around.
Boppy
I wrote about the boppy last time around. I would just add that it is nice to have two. So I have one in the living room where I feed Lucia during the day and one in our bedroom where I feed her at night. That way I don't have to wake up Callie when Lucia is feeding.
Pacifier
Callie was all about the pacifier. Lucia, so far, isn't that into them. The ones we liked for the early days are the ones by Nuk. The Soothie ones seem like a good idea because they are supposedly shaped like a nipple but it is tough for the little ones to keep them in their mouth, which is kinda the point! When they get older, my favorites are the MAM pacifiers. Good shape, super durable and fun designs.
Swing
I wrote about the swing last time. We don't have one this time around but if I was going to have one I would opt for one that has a smaller footprint like this one. Because good god, you house is going to be taken over by baby stuff anyway, try to keep it small if you can!
Video Monitor
We had a video monitor last time, but got rid of it, because...well...we weren't necessarily planning on another baby! This time we went for the Motorola Monitor and it is amazing! I love that you can move the camera to see around the room. That will come in handy with two kids in a room when we get to that point. I also really like the two way microphone so I can talk to Callie.
Wet Bags
These are a must if you are using cloth diapers or if you are using disposables and you end up changing your little one in a place where there isn't a trash can nearby. Trust me. It happens more than you think it will! These also come in handy for wet clothes or swimming suits. They come in all different sizes, so if you want to keep wipes separate from diapers you can.
Nursing pads
You won't necessarily need these, but they are handy to have around just in case. I didn't really need them with Callie but I have really needed them with Lucia! They also sell reusable/washable ones if that is more up your alley.
Vaporizer
I can't even tell you how often we have used a vaporizer with Callie. Seriously. Get one.
Blankets
You will use a lot of them! People love giving new parents knitted blankets which is a really nice idea and it's awesome that people want to make you something, but honestly, those blankets are pretty much the worst type of blanket to use with a new baby. They aren't terrible warm or portable (i.e. won't fit in a diaper bag) and they are just too easy for a little one to get their fingers, hands and arms stuck in between those stitches. I'm sure when the girls are older they will work just fine. But the best blankets are simple cotton, fleece or flannel blankets. I had a good friend make some gorgeous flannel blankets for both my girls and they are still my go to blankets. We got this super soft blanket this time around and we love it! Callie loves the owls and putting it on her sister:)
Diaper covers
Since we have used cloth diapers for Callie for the last two years and we are also using them for Lucia, we have a lot of these! This is one type we have a lot of made by Bummis. They aren't too expensive (comparatively speaking) and they are quite durable. They stand up to lots and lots of washings, which is a little surprsing given the velcro. The only downside is when the baby is still little (like Lucia) the bottom of the diaper cover is too bulky for their clothes. Enter the Thirsties Duo Wrap. It has snaps on the bottom to shorten the material. Very handy!
Diaper pail
We looked at the Diaper Genie but didn't like the fact that you have to buy their brand of bags to use with them. A friend told me about the Diaper Champ and that's what we use. The only thing I don't like about it is that if you are using cloth diapers it gets full fairly fast. But you can use whatever kind of bag you want. We found a washable, reusable liner that we are using with the cloth diapers. The diaper champ seals in the odor pretty well, which is the goal:)
Wipe warmer
I didn't opt for this the first time around but figured I would give it a shot this time, especially since Callie hates getting changed. It has made diaper changes go quite a bit smoother. Wish I had bought it from day 1. Is it something you absolutely NEED? No, but it is nice to have around.
Boppy
I wrote about the boppy last time around. I would just add that it is nice to have two. So I have one in the living room where I feed Lucia during the day and one in our bedroom where I feed her at night. That way I don't have to wake up Callie when Lucia is feeding.
Pacifier
Callie was all about the pacifier. Lucia, so far, isn't that into them. The ones we liked for the early days are the ones by Nuk. The Soothie ones seem like a good idea because they are supposedly shaped like a nipple but it is tough for the little ones to keep them in their mouth, which is kinda the point! When they get older, my favorites are the MAM pacifiers. Good shape, super durable and fun designs.
Swing
I wrote about the swing last time. We don't have one this time around but if I was going to have one I would opt for one that has a smaller footprint like this one. Because good god, you house is going to be taken over by baby stuff anyway, try to keep it small if you can!
Video Monitor
We had a video monitor last time, but got rid of it, because...well...we weren't necessarily planning on another baby! This time we went for the Motorola Monitor and it is amazing! I love that you can move the camera to see around the room. That will come in handy with two kids in a room when we get to that point. I also really like the two way microphone so I can talk to Callie.
Wet Bags
These are a must if you are using cloth diapers or if you are using disposables and you end up changing your little one in a place where there isn't a trash can nearby. Trust me. It happens more than you think it will! These also come in handy for wet clothes or swimming suits. They come in all different sizes, so if you want to keep wipes separate from diapers you can.
Nursing pads
You won't necessarily need these, but they are handy to have around just in case. I didn't really need them with Callie but I have really needed them with Lucia! They also sell reusable/washable ones if that is more up your alley.
Vaporizer
I can't even tell you how often we have used a vaporizer with Callie. Seriously. Get one.
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