Wanna See How Tough Your Partnership Is? Have a Baby !

I've still been on a reflecting kick, thinking about the past year. It has definitely been the toughest year that Bill and I have had to weather. We've never really been the fighting type. We are definitely the talk it out kind of couple. And it has served us well in the past. Usually when an issue comes up we talk about it, if not immediately, then not too much later, so things don't fester.

When you have a baby, however, that is just a luxury you don't have automatically. Finding the time (and that is what you have to do, find it) to talk things out is tough. I could probably tick off the total amount of fights we have had as a couple on both hands. The real kicker? I would say half of them have occurred in the past year. And we've been together for 13 years. That should tell you something right there. I know a great deal of the disconnect occurred because we have been in very different places over the course of the past year.
When we first brought Callie home, we were in it together, for the most part. We were both home, sleep deprived and taking care of Callie first and foremost. As the weeks passed and Bill returned to work, things changed. Bill got to go back to work. And that was exactly how I saw it  got to go. Now of course, work isn't a picnic for Bill. In fact, this was probably the most stressed he has ever been. Getting up and going to work knowing full well his wife was going to be a mess and calling or texting at some point in the day asking for help, not having enough sleep to fully function at work or home, coming home to his wife practically throwing his daughter in his face when he has had to drive an hour+ to get home in the first place. Of course, I didn't see it this way at all at the time :) The way I saw it, he got to escape. He got to go to a place where people communicated without screaming at you, you got to go to the bathroom by yourself, you could close your door and get a break, you don't have people biting, pinching, scratching, grabbing you. No such thing for me. As the summer passed, I saw my friends, one by one ramp up to go back to the next school year. They will probably never know how much I envied them. But as the weeks passed and Callie got to be about 8, 9 weeks. Things started to look up. She started smiling and interacting more. As the months passed, I didn't envy my work friends anymore. I certainly didn't miss the workload of grading papers! I found Las Madres and the Adjustment to Motherhood Group at Harmony and things with Bill improved dramatically. And I don't think I am exaggerating the connection between LM and my sanity level.
There have been times when Bill and I have not made the time to talk. We were like 2 estranged roomates, strategically avoiding the other because we each resented the other for different reasons. I started to get scared that we were really going to fall apart. I started making contingency plans. Where would I live if we split up? What would I do for money? Of course I would hope that if that did happen, that Bill wouldn't screw me over financially, but over the course of being a las madres member for less than a year there have been 3 instances of moms emailing the group because their husband had left them with a baby and nothing else. No car, no credit cards, no money. Nada. Of course your first thought is always "My husband would never do that to me!" But then you start thinking, well these women probably thought the same thing! So I got scared. I decided to go back to work part time, because if something happened in the middle of the school year I would be SOL. So I emailed my principal and told her if there were any extra sections of US History I was her girl. Overreacting? Yes. Overplanning? Yes. But the bottom line was that I felt vulnerable and that is not a place I felt comfortable. 
Eventually, we finally met in the middle and talked it out. It got heated, to be sure, because things had been festering. But in the end, we both felt heard and seen. The seen bit was the biggest for me. Motherhood in many ways, makes you invisible. I felt invisible as a person separate from Callie. There were times when I felt like I didn't get to be a wife anymore and it was hard to be seen (from my perspective) simply as a  vessel, a house keeper, a cook, a nanny. And talking it out helped Bill to see just how nuts my days were with a crazed infant who hates to sleep and is in motion all the time.  And I got to see things from his perspective too. This is and will remain a work in progress. That is the nature of partnership and marriage in general.
The key seems to be to really FIND that time to sit down and talk, even if it is just about your day. And if your day is filled with diapers, spit up and various other bodily functions that needs to be ok and respected. Because at the end of the day all any of us wants is respect and love. Another key is to have some alone time, where you can, even if just for an hour or two to feel like a partnership again, not just parents. Date night has been so crucial for us to relax and to be us again. We are very lucky that my mom and other friends have been so giving with their time to watch Callie for us. I know not everyone has that luxury and we are truly blessed.

New Obsession:)

 For those of you who haven't been paying attention on facebook, I have a new obsession. Walking marathons! I did the Avon 2 day walk a few years ago and it was an incredible, life changing experience. But it also left me with hip problems for a better part of a year and a half. So I didn't want to do a marathon and a half again. But I wanted to do something physical. This year, I told myself, was the year to get strong and accomplish physical feats. Part of it was having Callie because the birth process was so difficult and very physical. Another piece of it was losing a good friend a few months ago, completely out of the blue. So no more putting stuff off! Life is too short for "someday." I had been thinking to myself, "I'd like to do something like Avon again, but I don't want to do something that long or deal with the fundraising aspect." A madre sent out an email about the Nike Women's Marathon in October. I signed up for the lottery with some friends, but sadly we didn't make it. But that wasn't going to stop me! Over the course of the next couple of weeks I was signed up for a 5k in Big Sur (the next week!), a half marathon in June in Alameda, a 10K in Santa Cruz, a half marathon in August in Santa Rosa, a half in July in Los Gatos, a half in October in wine country and a half at disneyland in January. It feels soo good to have a concrete goal to work towards in regards to my fitness. I am definitely trimming down and getting stronger. It has become easier to get my butt outside and on the track or on the trails.

Big Sur 5K
I did the Big Sur 5K on Sunday. It was awesome!! What a beautiful day! It was craaaaazy cold when we started the race. I told myself that I might just run afterall just to get warm! But luckily it warmed up enough while we walked. I feel incredibly blessed to have shared the walk with my good friend Fran and our families. My mom, hubby and daughter were there to cheer me on as were Fran's hubby and daughter.

Grandma and Callie braving the cold to cheer me on!

It was a nice walk, right along the beach. Our time ended up being a 17 minute mile pace.

My bib and times

I definitely am shooting for a 15 minute mile because some of the half marathons have a time limit of 3 1/2 -4 hours for 13.1 miles. I can tell my hip is still going to be an issue, given that I could feel some tightness by the end of the 3 miles, so I will have to do some research on that. But anyway, it was an awesome day. Since it was still so early we got to spend a nice day in Monterey as well.

daddy time at the beach!

 

 

We took Callie to the beach and to Ghiradelli. It felt strange to be so exhausted so early in the day!

Such a goofy girl!

I find myself already getting excited for the next one on May 22nd in Santa Cruz! Bring it on!

Pork Stew with Potatoes, Apples and Hard Cider

I doctored this recipe from Epicurious with DELICIOUS results!!
I skipped the pearl onions completely because 1) I don't really like them and 2) I think they are more trouble than they are worth. So proceed straight to the bacon! Because anything cooked in bacon is extra awesome...

Ingredients
5 slices of bacon chopped into 1/4- 1/2 inch pieces
Boneless Pork Shoulder, fat trimmed, cut into 2 inch pieces
Fresh sage
3 cups chicken broth
bottle of hard cider ( I used Hornsby's Crisp Apple)
4 yukon gold potatoes unpeeled, chopped
2 peeled, chopped fuji apples
Red wine
2 tablespoons flour
2 tablespoons butter, room temp
1 tablespoon dijon mustard

Cook  bacon  in a pot and set aside on paper towels to drain while you cook the pork. In the same pot you cooked the bacon, cook the  pork shoulder (sprinkled with salt and pepper)  until browned.  Remove pork with slotted spoon and set aside. In same pot, brown shallots with fresh sage and pepper. Add chicken broth, hard cider, reserved bacon and pork. Add potatoes and apples.  (Note: at this point I gave the stew a whiff and it smelled crazy sweet from the cider so I added a healthy pour of red wine, because to me,  stew = red wine.)  Cook for 30-40 minutes (or longer if you want!).  Meanwhile, make a paste of the butter and flour in a small bowl. Add to the stew and stir well. Then add  the mustard. Cook for an additional 7-10 minutes. And voila! Amazing, hearty, thick pork stew.  It is a little time consuming but it is realllly worth it!
* I would have taken a picture of it, but we ate it all before I thought to snap a picture:)

Experimenting with Weaning

I have been slowly experimenting with weaning Callie. I'm in no hurry, since we are down to 2 feedings a day which is very manageable! Not like a couple months ago when she was still nursing so much! I bought some cow's milk for her and gave it to her a couple of times, mostly with a meal, not in replacement of a nursing session. So the other night I tried offering her the sippy cup instead of nursing before bed, just to see what she would do.
She took a couple of sips and placed the cup on the ground. Then she calmly walked over to my nursing pillow, looked up at me with the sweetest, most gorgeous smile ever and patted the Boppy a few times, as if to say, "no, mama, I want your milk." well, what could I say to that? What a cutie.

Single Mama Weekend Day 1

So this is the weekend I've been dreading for months. Bill is at a(nother) bachelor party. This time it is a whole weekend in Tahoe. He left Friday morning so I did my best to cram my day full of things to do, thanks to the fabulous madres! Coffee date in the morning with Fran and Dori ( and Paige and Raena). Then it was lunch with Melissa at aqui. And yes, I did have a margarita:) By then, Callie was pretty tired so she napped in the car. I thought about making the drive to gilroy and outlets to get her some more shoes. She is growing out of her first pair already! But I was feeling pretty sluggish and didn't want to take the chance of a meltdown on the drive back, especially since it would be rush hour. So I drove to the scrapbook store instead to pick up some Christmas themed paper. She stayed asleep in the ergo and even when I put her back in the carseat. By then it was getting to be dinnertime. I texted a couple of people looking for some sushi takeout company but they couldn't make it. I told myself it would be nice to be on our own and it was. Callie had her vegetable croquettes that she shared with Milo and I had her miso and my sushi. She played for a bit until she started getting fussy so we did bath time. After her bath we read Where the Wild Things Are. She liked the picture of "the rumpus". I fed her and she went down pretty easily. I should've known it was a bad sign! She woke up 3 times during the night. So of course this morning I haven't felt my best. She was super fussy so we went to Hobees, where Callie made lots of friends and enjoyed some kids French toast and I got to have some hash browns and tea. It has been a struggle to not be consumed with anger and resentment at being left alone but I am trying. I know being so tired doesn't help. The sad thought to me is that this is just like a normal weekday for the most part. Bill gets home on the late side so usually the only break I have is a half hour or so when I eat dinner and sometimes Bill will take care of the bath. I know that he works really hard so that Callie and I are taken care of so I am glad he gets to have fun but I wouldn't mind some fun either. Might be time to start planning that girls trip to New Orleans.

Stroller HIke

I was focusing this week on getting out and getting moving, which is getting easier since the little miss is practically sprinting! I just wasn't sure how she would do with the stroller since we don't use it that often except for our trips down to the Shark Tank. I also wasn't too sure about the weather! But luckily it held out for us.
Before I went down to the trail, I stopped to get some food. I am always unsure about what Callie will like so I gave myself lots of time in case we had to make two stops. I stopped at a subway that was near the trail and got myself a sandwich and got her some apples and avocado. Nope on both accounts. Oh well, I got to enjoy some nice apples anyway. Luckily there was a coffee shop in the same center. I figured they might have a little something for her. I got a chai and a scone for me and a banana for her. That appropriation of food would change later:)

Banana, huh. What's in the bag? We will just see about that.

Hmm...

Definitely going to have this one. Mom, you can have the banana. I will help you with this cranberry scone.
Then it was on to our stroller hike at the Stevens Creek Trail. I hadn't been to a stroller hike event in a while and it felt great to be back in the outdoors with other moms and dads. I went pretty frequently when Callie was itty bitty and I needed to get out of the house. It provided so much help and support! I had a really bad day in particular and one of the organizers really got me through it. Mamas and papas, definitely check it out. It is a great, non profit group!

Once we got to our usual stopping place we let the kids out to play. Callie was pretty darn adorable.

Taking a breather

A parking lot, you say? I will investigate.

Then it was back to the car. Callie was still pretty wired so I let her play around the playground for a while.



She wasn't too sure about the sand, but she LOVED it when I took her down the slide. She would just laugh hysterically!
There is another stroller hike scheduled for thursday. Hopefully the weather will cooperate!

Nursery Playdate Cuteness

Each week we go to a baptist church nursery playdate. It is great! There are a ton of toys and lots of room for the kids to play.





Pucker up! Here she comes!