I look at the calendar and think "For the love of god, how is it almost februrary?!" Then I think "Wow. It has been over a month since Callie was bitten by Milo on Christmas Eve." While I don't neccessarily want to dwell on something so horrible forever I do think it is important to take stock of what we learned in the process. And learn we did!
I know Callie is a rough and tumble girl and these won't be her last
stitches or her last trip to the ER. I am incredibly thankful and
blessed that our family is still together, Milo included. I continue to
be amazed at how quickly and how well he has taken to the new training
and boundaries. Maybe he just knew his goose was cooked otherwise! I
love that Callie still adores Milo so much. Every few hours she will walk
up to me and ask "Pet Milo?" And Milo will roll over so she can rub his
belly, which of course makes her laugh. When I stop to think that if things had gone differently, I might not get to hear that laugh. It is moments like that, that really make you stop and take stock of everything you have and how incredibly lucky we are. Sometimes I think about re-reading my blog post about that night, but then I stop. Sometimes I think maybe it was worse in my head than it really was, but no. I actually said that to Bill and he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture he took that night when she was sleeping. The answer was definitely no, it was absolutely not worse in my head. It was that bad. It was that scary. I would never wish it on anyone. But the good part of it is that it showed us very strongly what is important and what is not. People used to tell me that about being a parent, that it shows you what is important. I thought I understood that statement, but ends up I had no idea until Christmas Eve. Until we were tested.
Callie's scars are still visible but have definitely faded. I'm sure mine will never go away. Seeing your child in that kind of situation is not easily forgotten. But I know it won't be the last time I feel that sort of panic and get in mama bear mode. Bill and I know now, that night in a nutshell is what being a parent is. It is trips to the ER when you have no health insurance or job. It is holding her tight because you don't know what else you can do to make it stop. It is bloody kitchen towels and clothes. It is running red lights because you just don't give a damn about anything else except getting her to the place that will fix her up. It is sitting through blood and stitches and other horrible things to make her better. It is telling her over and over that it will be ok, maybe a little bit more to convince yourself than anything. It is not caring about any other little dramas because we have enough in our arms to keep us busy for a lifetime. It is cliche for a reason, but life is just too damned short.
We are so incredibly thankful for all the people that came out of the woodwork immediately when they found out what happened to Callie. I am thankful for my parents who stopped by everyday just to see how she
was doing and to help with things like grocery shopping and errands. I
am thankful most of all to Bill who kept a calm head to make sure our
little family stayed together. Poor Bill had to be the bad guy who put
the antibiotic medication on her stitches everynight. I am thankful that Bill's parents stopped by Christmas morning to see her and that his sister stopped by with plates of Christmas Day with the Bunts and told us all the highlights. We received so many text messages, emails, visits and phone calls the next day. People who put their Christmas Day celebrations and holiday vacations on hold to make sure we were ok. We had people bringing us food and visiting Callie which lifted our hearts and spirits more than they can ever know. Just to be distracted from her mauled face, putting on antibiotics, cleaning wounds and the worries of what we were going to do with Milo was priceless. I don't know what we would have done without our village. It also makes me hopeful that this wonderful group of people will be there for us when Callie's sister arrives in a few short weeks. It just makes me happy that we aren't alone and there are people we can go to when the you-know-what hits the fan. There is a great comfort in that.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Callie's 2nd Trip To Disneyland
We took a family vacation to Disneyland over the weekend. It was originally planned because I had signed up for the inaugural Tinkerbell Half Marathon, but I signed up for it before we learned of our second pregnancy. I was hopeful that if I stayed active this pregnancy that I would still be able to participate in it, but it became clear in recent weeks that was impossible. The baby's head is just too far down to do any serious exercise; the pressure is pretty intense on my pelvis. Doing short walks in our daily routine is sometimes difficult. And I know myself too well! I know that if I started the marathon I would push myself way too hard and probably start labor early. My braxton hicks contractions are also getting more intense. So I decided to not do the race. Especially when they sent the final instructions which said that any runner that couldn't keep a 16 minute/mile pace would be picked up. I probably could have done that pace a couple of months ago, but not now. So we just had a disney vacation instead. When I signed up for the race we had already put down a deposit on a room, so we were all set. The whole weekend we kept talking about "Thank god I didn't do the race." I was struggling enough with just walking around the park. Although when I saw the runners and their shirts after the race I did have some pangs of regret. Maybe next year.
Anyway, we got our flight from San Jose in the early afternoon on saturday. It was nice to not to have to rush too much to get to our flight. We got there early so Callie could walk around a bit. She just about lost her marbles when there were birds inside the terminal. Then we boarded the flight. I wasn't really sure how Callie was going to do on the flight since this was her first flight since before she could walk! But she did great. The flight wasn't full at all so we had our own row. The only thing that was a little tough was that she wanted to be on my lap and well...I don't have much of a lap left! Luckily we had books to distract her and the flight was only 50 minutes so it was really do able. And oh so much better than having her stuck in a car for 6-8 hours! We had several people (including flight crew) mention to us how good she was on the flight. She didn't seem bothered by the pressure at all.
Once we landed we got to our hotel and unpacked a little. Callie had napped on the car ride from the airport to the hotel; about 20-30 minutes and that would be all that she would nap that day! I would have put her down in the hotel for another nap before hitting the park but we were meeting friends at the park so we pushed her. And I'm glad we did, we would have missed them otherwise. We walked over to the park and rented a stroller. It was really affordable ($15 a day) and it is a decent stroller but I think next time we will bring our own. It was just tough making the walk from the hotel to the park without some wheels! Finally, we made it into the park and met up with our friends just outside It's A Small World. I was bummed the ride was closed since Callie liked it so much last time. So we opted for FantastyLand. Of course the second she saw the carousel it was oohs and ahhs. We went on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.
 |
| A kiss for Mr. Toad, before she realized what he was all about! |
Since she was overtired, any time spent in lines was tough going. But we made it on to the ride. And she was....completely terrified! Crying by the time we were done. I think the ride was too dark and there was just too much for her to take in too quickly. So that was one of the only Fantasty Land rides we did. Since she was so upset we opted for the carousel afterwards.
 |
| This is more like it! |
When she got up in the morning she was extra snuggly. It was so nice because I realized if I had done the marathon I would have missed it. She came into bed with us and kept turning to each of us and saying "Hug?" "Kiss?" over and over. It was awesome. After we all got ready we decided to walk down to the Paradise Pier hotel because they do a character breakfast, and it's on the way to the park. I thought since she had gotten over her fear of Sharkie that she would have fun with the characters, especially Pluto since she loves dogs so much. WRONG, WRONG and WRONG. Cue the super freakout. The one that scared her the most was Stitch. We did get a picture with all of us with Mickey when we first walked in where she isn't screaming, but she doesn't look overjoyed either. It was a lot like Santa Claus. If they were a little bit away she liked them but once they came up to her, forget it. So we ate fairly quickly and went on to the park.
We noticed as we walked though Main Street that they had added a Mad Hatter shop there so we went in since it was totally empty! I knew the Mad Hatter store next to the tea cups would be nutso. It was great to choose her hat in peace! I put a couple of hats in front of her to see what she wanted and the choice was...Dumbo. She even put in on long enough for a picture or two!
The previous day she seemed curious about the Dumbo ride so we headed over to Fantasy Land. We tried walking through Sleeping Beauty's Castle but that was scary too. Too dark I guess. One of the funniest things she had done the previous night while we were in Fantasy Land was that everytime the Dumbo ride would stop (and she noticed ) she would exclaim "Elephant Fall Down!" So we got in line for Dumbo. Somehow, through the magic of Disney, we all fit in one car! She had a good time and wanted to go "Up up and away!"
 |
| Flying high on Dumbo |
 |
| Kisses for Dumbo |
 |
| Chillin in line with Daddy |
I wasn't sure how she would do with the dark/enclosed space but she did pretty well.
She was pretty excited when she saw all the bubbles as we were "diving." |
| Bubbles! |
We figured they would be similar to Dumbo, but probably a little bit faster. She did ok until the end and then she was a little freaked out. But we did get some cute pictures in the process. We decided to finish up in Adventure Land and then call it a day. So we did The Jungle Cruise and Callie's absolute favorite, The Tiki Room. |
| Jungle Cruise Cuddling |
Good god, she loves that thing. "Beeps!Beeps!" And wild clapping at the end of each song.
After that we grabbed some dinner and walked back to the hotel to turn in for the night. We had an earlier flight this time so we got an early breakfast from the hotel and headed to the airport. She did really well on the flight again. Except that everytime she looked out the window she would call out for Nemo because the shape of the window was similar to the one on the Nemo ride. Poor kid! So confusing!
We definitely did a lot less at the park then we normally do, but given how incredibly pregnant I am and how tempermental toddlers are, I think we did pretty well. Bill and I were talking a bit as we left, that we've always had fun at Disneyland but there is just something about seeing your child enjoy it. It is such an amazing feeling. To see her get so much enjoyment and awe out of seeing animatronic birds sing about tiki gods and flowers is just so cool. I guess that's why parents deal with the tantrums and the high ticket prices, to see that look of joy on their kids' faces; to transport them to a magical place just for one day.
 |
| You know, this face. |
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Callie at 20 Months
As we are trying to get ready for Baby #2, I find myself desperately trying to hold on to these little moments with Callie. I know part of that desire is because of what happened on Christmas Eve, which continues to run through my head every now and then. We are still just so thankful that everyone is ok; that our family is back in harmony, Milo included. I am so glad that Callie isn't too much worse for wear. She does have 3 lines/scars on her forehead but they have healed remarkably well. It really is amazing how fast these little ones heal!
In some ways I feel horribly guilty for what is about to happen to her world with this new baby coming in a few short weeks. This is certainly not something she has asked for in her world. I do hope in the long run that she enjoys being a big sister and having a playmate, but it is going to be chaos for a while, for all of us. I see girlfriends who have sisters and love the connection that they seem to have, even as adults. I really hope that we can instill that in our family for Callie and her sister. But I know it is going to be really hard. A friend told me an allegory for bringing a new sibling home a couple of weeks ago. It would be like Bill coming home and telling me that he is bringing home another wife and trying to tell me how great it was going to be for me, how fun it would be to have a friend. Yeah. Riiight. I know we are going to lose those family of 3 moments where we all snuggle on the futon in the back room reading Go Dog Go or Cat in the Hat or watching Finding Nemo for the millionth time.
But anyway, Callie is at this amazing point where she is just soaking everything up. Language is everywhere and it is so cool to watch her figure it out. It does, however, mean we are fully in the realm of "watch what you say" because you will hear it come out of her mouth! Luckily we've been really good about that so no bad words yet:) It became clear we had to be careful just before Christmas when we were watching Monday Night Football, you know the game where Candlestick Park lost power? Bill was watching it more than I was and yelled out "Nice!" in response to some play that had happened. Without missing a beat, Callie responded with "Nice!" as well. I gave Bill a look that said "Be careful!"
She has been so into animals and sounds for a while. One of our favorite things that she does is she calls birds "beeps." It started because we were doing animal sounds months ago and I told her birds say "tweet tweet" but all she could say was "beep beep." So whenever she sees birds outside or in a book she will exclaim so proudly "BEEP!" We love it! I know that one day soon she will say "bird" instead and that will probably make me a little sad, so I'm going to hold onto her and her beeps for as long as I can.
She also loves airplanes. She will squeal "airplane!" clear as day anytime she hears one. When you give her something to eat she will (most of the time) exclaim loudly "Gank Yoo!" You can't help but smile and say "You're welcome!" especially when she says it 4 or 5 times in response to receiving a piece of cheese or some watermelon. She will come up to us at night, usually, and say "Kiss?" and plant one on us. Then she will say "hug?" It is the sweetest thing I have every experienced. The selfless love is something I wish I could bottle and hold onto forever. She will even do it to my belly so she can kiss the baby. When Bill walks through the door she screams "Dada! Dada!" And no matter how crazy she has made me during the day, it just makes me melt. These sweet things don't mean that she has really mellowed though! She is still a wild girl who loves to run and jump with abandon, always trusting that the universe or someone will be there to pick her up. I know that her wild streak will be tough to manage when I am on my own with a newborn and a toddler but I hope that we can all adjust without losing our sense of fun and maybe we should all be a bit more like Callie. The world is a pretty amazing place afterall! So I am going to try to be like Callie, not get too worked up about what I think is going to happen and just react when it does and try to find the fun in it too.
In some ways I feel horribly guilty for what is about to happen to her world with this new baby coming in a few short weeks. This is certainly not something she has asked for in her world. I do hope in the long run that she enjoys being a big sister and having a playmate, but it is going to be chaos for a while, for all of us. I see girlfriends who have sisters and love the connection that they seem to have, even as adults. I really hope that we can instill that in our family for Callie and her sister. But I know it is going to be really hard. A friend told me an allegory for bringing a new sibling home a couple of weeks ago. It would be like Bill coming home and telling me that he is bringing home another wife and trying to tell me how great it was going to be for me, how fun it would be to have a friend. Yeah. Riiight. I know we are going to lose those family of 3 moments where we all snuggle on the futon in the back room reading Go Dog Go or Cat in the Hat or watching Finding Nemo for the millionth time.
But anyway, Callie is at this amazing point where she is just soaking everything up. Language is everywhere and it is so cool to watch her figure it out. It does, however, mean we are fully in the realm of "watch what you say" because you will hear it come out of her mouth! Luckily we've been really good about that so no bad words yet:) It became clear we had to be careful just before Christmas when we were watching Monday Night Football, you know the game where Candlestick Park lost power? Bill was watching it more than I was and yelled out "Nice!" in response to some play that had happened. Without missing a beat, Callie responded with "Nice!" as well. I gave Bill a look that said "Be careful!"
She has been so into animals and sounds for a while. One of our favorite things that she does is she calls birds "beeps." It started because we were doing animal sounds months ago and I told her birds say "tweet tweet" but all she could say was "beep beep." So whenever she sees birds outside or in a book she will exclaim so proudly "BEEP!" We love it! I know that one day soon she will say "bird" instead and that will probably make me a little sad, so I'm going to hold onto her and her beeps for as long as I can.
She also loves airplanes. She will squeal "airplane!" clear as day anytime she hears one. When you give her something to eat she will (most of the time) exclaim loudly "Gank Yoo!" You can't help but smile and say "You're welcome!" especially when she says it 4 or 5 times in response to receiving a piece of cheese or some watermelon. She will come up to us at night, usually, and say "Kiss?" and plant one on us. Then she will say "hug?" It is the sweetest thing I have every experienced. The selfless love is something I wish I could bottle and hold onto forever. She will even do it to my belly so she can kiss the baby. When Bill walks through the door she screams "Dada! Dada!" And no matter how crazy she has made me during the day, it just makes me melt. These sweet things don't mean that she has really mellowed though! She is still a wild girl who loves to run and jump with abandon, always trusting that the universe or someone will be there to pick her up. I know that her wild streak will be tough to manage when I am on my own with a newborn and a toddler but I hope that we can all adjust without losing our sense of fun and maybe we should all be a bit more like Callie. The world is a pretty amazing place afterall! So I am going to try to be like Callie, not get too worked up about what I think is going to happen and just react when it does and try to find the fun in it too.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
The Re-education of Milo (and us)
Since Callie is pretty much healed up at this point we have turned our attention to our next hurdle: what to do with our dog, Milo. I should preface this blog post with a couple of things. First of all, we have had Milo for the past 11 years and he has been an incredible companion. We have never had any problems with him except too much snuggling and dog hair in the house! Secondly, I know that there are many people who won't understand our decision to keep Milo for the time being, but that is ok. Because when we come right down to it, it is our decision but rest assured, we did not come to it lightly or easily and it is not necessarily a permanent decision.
Over the past week we have been doing a *lot* of research on why dogs bite. We came across quite a bit of information that said if a dog bites and they have no history of aggression it can be because of a health problem. Things like, dogs going blind/deaf and they get surprised by toddlers/people sneaking up on them. Thyroid problems are also common causes.
So Bill took Milo to the vet last week, just to see. At that point we were still assuming we would have to get rid of Milo and this was just going to be for information's sake. The vet did a full work up on Milo and didn't find any health problems, except of course for some nasty breath:) Our vet has had a lot of experience with exactly this type of situation, biting dogs. He even gives talks to school kids about how to approach and deal with dogs. So we felt very comfortable in his expertise. He tried to provoke Milo to see if he could get a reaction, but he got none. Bill told the vet where we were in our heads concerning our fear and concerns for our about to expand brood. He said he understood the fear, since he had to put down one of his dogs because they took on some unfortunate new "hobbies" just before their second child was born. The dog started killing small, furry animals. They knew they couldn't keep the dog, so they put him to sleep. That is obviously not the situation with Milo. That story told us that if we did in fact need to put him down, this vet would be straight with us about it. The vet told Bill straight up that he saw no reason that we couldn't keep Milo with a few changes in our household. He referred us to a dog behaviorist/trainer named Kimberly that had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. Bill came home and filled me in and I was shocked. For the first time there was a glimmer of hope! But I tried to temper it by not getting too excited at the prospect of keeping Milo.
I emailed Kimberly about what had happened and that we surmised it had a lot to do with Callie having food and or doing something to Milo to provoke him. She has been very into eyes lately so it wouldn't be a shock to discover that she had shoved her finger in his eye. We have spent the last week or so wishing one of them, Callie or Milo, could tell us what actually happened! Kimberly responded very quickly. The great thing about her is that she is very accessible by phone, text, email plus she is local! She has been doing this type of training for the last 7 years and is very knowledgable. She came to our house on saturday and we met for just over 2 hours. Again, at this point we were still on the fence about Milo. Neither one of us was totally convinced that we could keep Milo with a toddler and a baby on the way, but we were willing to talk to Kimberly openly and honestly.
We spent the first hour or so just talking about what had happened, our fears and what would be involved in retraining Milo. There was a point that I was almost in tears because I felt overwhelmed at what I felt I was going to be responsible for when Bill returns to work. Kimberly, like our vet, saw no reason that we couldn't keep Milo if we just put a little bit of work in to him. I'm sure Kimberly saw my stress and decided just to jump in and do some of the training with Bill while I held Callie. She had explained that she would be doing the "leave it" exercise after first seeing how well Milo would respond to your basic "sit" and "stay" commands. He did very well with the basic commands, so she moved onto the leave it command. She had explained that with the leave it command he would leave a treat alone and not eat it. When she was explaining it I wanted to throw up my hands and show her the door. I thought to myself "Have you ever done this with a beagle?! There is no way this is going to work. Where is that white flag?" But to my shock, Milo did it within 2 minutes of teaching him the command! I couldn't believe it!
We learned a lot from Kimberly. We had been doing a lot of things wrong with Milo. Most days we would feed him first, more often than not, just to get him out of our hair. What we didn't realize was that was telling Milo that he was the head of our "pack".
Food is obviously a big trigger for what happened on Christmas Eve so we are changing a lot of things in our house concerning food. Now when we are preparing food in the kitchen Milo is not allowed in the room. When we eat in the dining room as a family, he is not allowed in the dining room. Instead he now has "his place" in the living room. If Callie is walking around with snacks like cheese or crackers or whatever, Milo is put outside. We also have an exercise to do with him when he does eat his dog food. When we take him outside to eat we put him in a stay and put down his food. We keep him at stay until we are ready for him to eat. Then after a few seconds of letting him eat we put our foot over the bowl and remove the food and put him back in a stay. Then we release him to eat again. We do this three times. This tells Milo "This is not your food. This is my food and I am allowing you to eat it." Again, when we first started this with Kimberly I was shocked at how well he took to it.
We also talked a lot about boundaries and "ways out". We realized that there was really no place for Milo to go when he was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by Callie. We are going to put in a dog door in the back door so he can escape if he needs to. We also are going to utilize a few more baby gates, so that if I am feeling too anxious with Callie and when her sister arrives, I can simply put Milo behind one of the gates or just put him outside.
We talked a lot about Milo's personality. It was apparent, very quickly, to Kimberly that Milo is not a follower. He is a leader so we have to be very vigilant in showing him that we are the alphas, including Callie. There are a few ways we do that. We will hold Callie while doing the food exercise with him so he sees her as an extension of us and our dominance. When we take him for walks (which we really had not been doing!) the stroller will always be ahead of him. Kimberly gave us a new harness for him that is similar to the ones that dog handlers use in dog shows. It makes it very easy to control him on walks but is not painful for him like a choke collar.
We also talked about our fears about the baby's arrival. When we all sat down and talked/thought about it, we realized that Milo probably won't see the baby as a threat, just as he was fine with Callie until she got so very mobile and fast. We have also been working a lot with Callie. We no longer keep them in the same room alone, not even for a second. We have been showing her how to be more gentle with Milo. Nice gentle pets on his back or belly, nothing near his head or face. And if she gets too hyper or starts throwing things, as toddlers do at this age, we put Milo back outside to avoid any problems.
Keeping Milo is still not a 100% sure thing. Kimberly is going to come back in two weeks and we are going to check in with her again and work on some new things too. If we are still feeling nervous about having Milo around then we won't keep him because he will pick up on that fear/tension and act accordingly. And if for any reason he shows any type of aggression he is a goner. We do know that if we try to get rid of him it will be tough to get him adopted because of his age and because he bit someone. So we are not kidding ourselves, if we can't keep him he will most likely have to be euthanized. But hopefully the training will continue to go very well as it has been since we started this on saturday and we won't have to make that tough decision and our old guy can live out the rest of his days with us.
Over the past week we have been doing a *lot* of research on why dogs bite. We came across quite a bit of information that said if a dog bites and they have no history of aggression it can be because of a health problem. Things like, dogs going blind/deaf and they get surprised by toddlers/people sneaking up on them. Thyroid problems are also common causes.
So Bill took Milo to the vet last week, just to see. At that point we were still assuming we would have to get rid of Milo and this was just going to be for information's sake. The vet did a full work up on Milo and didn't find any health problems, except of course for some nasty breath:) Our vet has had a lot of experience with exactly this type of situation, biting dogs. He even gives talks to school kids about how to approach and deal with dogs. So we felt very comfortable in his expertise. He tried to provoke Milo to see if he could get a reaction, but he got none. Bill told the vet where we were in our heads concerning our fear and concerns for our about to expand brood. He said he understood the fear, since he had to put down one of his dogs because they took on some unfortunate new "hobbies" just before their second child was born. The dog started killing small, furry animals. They knew they couldn't keep the dog, so they put him to sleep. That is obviously not the situation with Milo. That story told us that if we did in fact need to put him down, this vet would be straight with us about it. The vet told Bill straight up that he saw no reason that we couldn't keep Milo with a few changes in our household. He referred us to a dog behaviorist/trainer named Kimberly that had a lot of experience with this sort of thing. Bill came home and filled me in and I was shocked. For the first time there was a glimmer of hope! But I tried to temper it by not getting too excited at the prospect of keeping Milo.
I emailed Kimberly about what had happened and that we surmised it had a lot to do with Callie having food and or doing something to Milo to provoke him. She has been very into eyes lately so it wouldn't be a shock to discover that she had shoved her finger in his eye. We have spent the last week or so wishing one of them, Callie or Milo, could tell us what actually happened! Kimberly responded very quickly. The great thing about her is that she is very accessible by phone, text, email plus she is local! She has been doing this type of training for the last 7 years and is very knowledgable. She came to our house on saturday and we met for just over 2 hours. Again, at this point we were still on the fence about Milo. Neither one of us was totally convinced that we could keep Milo with a toddler and a baby on the way, but we were willing to talk to Kimberly openly and honestly.
We spent the first hour or so just talking about what had happened, our fears and what would be involved in retraining Milo. There was a point that I was almost in tears because I felt overwhelmed at what I felt I was going to be responsible for when Bill returns to work. Kimberly, like our vet, saw no reason that we couldn't keep Milo if we just put a little bit of work in to him. I'm sure Kimberly saw my stress and decided just to jump in and do some of the training with Bill while I held Callie. She had explained that she would be doing the "leave it" exercise after first seeing how well Milo would respond to your basic "sit" and "stay" commands. He did very well with the basic commands, so she moved onto the leave it command. She had explained that with the leave it command he would leave a treat alone and not eat it. When she was explaining it I wanted to throw up my hands and show her the door. I thought to myself "Have you ever done this with a beagle?! There is no way this is going to work. Where is that white flag?" But to my shock, Milo did it within 2 minutes of teaching him the command! I couldn't believe it!
We learned a lot from Kimberly. We had been doing a lot of things wrong with Milo. Most days we would feed him first, more often than not, just to get him out of our hair. What we didn't realize was that was telling Milo that he was the head of our "pack".
Food is obviously a big trigger for what happened on Christmas Eve so we are changing a lot of things in our house concerning food. Now when we are preparing food in the kitchen Milo is not allowed in the room. When we eat in the dining room as a family, he is not allowed in the dining room. Instead he now has "his place" in the living room. If Callie is walking around with snacks like cheese or crackers or whatever, Milo is put outside. We also have an exercise to do with him when he does eat his dog food. When we take him outside to eat we put him in a stay and put down his food. We keep him at stay until we are ready for him to eat. Then after a few seconds of letting him eat we put our foot over the bowl and remove the food and put him back in a stay. Then we release him to eat again. We do this three times. This tells Milo "This is not your food. This is my food and I am allowing you to eat it." Again, when we first started this with Kimberly I was shocked at how well he took to it.
We also talked a lot about boundaries and "ways out". We realized that there was really no place for Milo to go when he was feeling overwhelmed and stressed out by Callie. We are going to put in a dog door in the back door so he can escape if he needs to. We also are going to utilize a few more baby gates, so that if I am feeling too anxious with Callie and when her sister arrives, I can simply put Milo behind one of the gates or just put him outside.
We talked a lot about Milo's personality. It was apparent, very quickly, to Kimberly that Milo is not a follower. He is a leader so we have to be very vigilant in showing him that we are the alphas, including Callie. There are a few ways we do that. We will hold Callie while doing the food exercise with him so he sees her as an extension of us and our dominance. When we take him for walks (which we really had not been doing!) the stroller will always be ahead of him. Kimberly gave us a new harness for him that is similar to the ones that dog handlers use in dog shows. It makes it very easy to control him on walks but is not painful for him like a choke collar.
We also talked about our fears about the baby's arrival. When we all sat down and talked/thought about it, we realized that Milo probably won't see the baby as a threat, just as he was fine with Callie until she got so very mobile and fast. We have also been working a lot with Callie. We no longer keep them in the same room alone, not even for a second. We have been showing her how to be more gentle with Milo. Nice gentle pets on his back or belly, nothing near his head or face. And if she gets too hyper or starts throwing things, as toddlers do at this age, we put Milo back outside to avoid any problems.
Keeping Milo is still not a 100% sure thing. Kimberly is going to come back in two weeks and we are going to check in with her again and work on some new things too. If we are still feeling nervous about having Milo around then we won't keep him because he will pick up on that fear/tension and act accordingly. And if for any reason he shows any type of aggression he is a goner. We do know that if we try to get rid of him it will be tough to get him adopted because of his age and because he bit someone. So we are not kidding ourselves, if we can't keep him he will most likely have to be euthanized. But hopefully the training will continue to go very well as it has been since we started this on saturday and we won't have to make that tough decision and our old guy can live out the rest of his days with us.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Callie's 2nd Christmas
I honestly don't know where to begin with this one. This is probably going to be a very rambly post, but I just need to get it all out!
Bill and I spent a lot of time and energy leading up to Christmas deciding what we wanted to share with our little girl in terms of Christmas traditions. We decided on Christmas Eve with my family and tamales (as our usual tradition) and Christmas morning with just the three of us. Christmas afternoon/evening has always been with Bill's family in Morgan Hill.
So we were getting our tamale dinner all set up in the dining room on Christmas Eve when I heard it. The bark. Milo's bark that is usually reserved for attacking raccoons. Most of what happened next is a blur. But I know that I raced into the living room and started yelling something, probably Milo's name. And I saw my baby girl crying and scared. And that is saying something for Miss Callie, she is rarely scared. She is my tough chick. Over the next 24 hours I would learn just how tough she really is! I scooped her up and saw the blood. And cue the freak out. It was just starting to appear but there were at least 3 bite marks on her face from our normally very mellow beagle that we have had as our companion for the last 10 years. I took her into the kitchen and we tried to stop the bleeding with some towels and water to no avail. The blood just wouldn't stop. I was really trying to keep it together but I guess its kind of impossible when your child is bleeding!
So we hurriedly pulled a few things together, blew out candles, grabbed a blanket for Callie, more towels to mop up the blood for the car ride and we were off to the ER. I was so grateful for Bill's calm demeanor and thinking through the whole episode and for my mom's steady hand to keep me calm as well because I was pretty much a wreck. She kept my breathing even so I wouldn't pass out.
We brought Callie to the car and I wanted so badly to just hold her instead of putting her in the carseat, but we did put her in the seat since there were no bites on her arms of legs that would be pinched in the buckles. I think if it had just been me and Bill in the car I wouldn't have put her in the seat.
It was the longest car ride of my life. She screamed the entire way while we kept trying to stop the bleeding in the car. It slowed down a little by the time we got there. I can honestly say I have never been so damned scared in my entire life. There is no way to adequately describe what it feels like to be a mother and see your child's blood on your clothes and running down her face. And knowing that I was pretty much powerless to help her was awful. I don't even know how I put one foot in front of the other to get her to the hospital. So much of all of this is a blur but I think a lot of that has to do with all of the adrenaline that was pumping throughout my body.
When we walked into the ER it was empty except for a dad and his son. I knew it was bad when the receptionist was moving and talking so fast. Usually when we go to the ER they are methodically slow. They got our information and then we moved over to the nurse station which was an excercise in incredible pain and stupidity, as usual. Lots of questions, which is fine, I understand you need to know if we've given her any medications, blah blah. But come on, I was surprised we all had shoes on and found car keys with how panicked we all were. But the worst part was when they tried to weigh her. She had been screaming constantly since we left the house and now I was supposed to lay her down on a scale with blood dripping into her eyes? Didn't work at all, of course. And all of her screaming was opening up the cuts even more. So they had the big ole pregnant lady get on the scale with her daughter then pass her off to daddy and subtract the weight to figure out Callie's weight.
Finally we were whisked into our room where Callie was still screaming at the top of her lungs. I tried so hard to calm her down, singing, rocking, telling her it would be ok, that I was sorry, anything I could think of. Of course nothing worked and I just cried because I was so helpless and she was so scared and in pain.
An EMT named Michael Dunn ( who was absolutly amazing) came in and explained what they were going to have to do. He was incredibly sympathetic and had the perfect demeanor for the situation. He explained that normally they don't stitch up dog bites because of bacteria but these bites were so deep they didn't have a choice. The doctor also came in and started talking to me about scars and quite honestly I thought to myself "I really don't give a fuck if she has scars, I just want her to feel better and for the bleeding to stop!" And come on, a kid like Callie? The girl is going to have scars one way or another!
They both left for a while and Callie finally passed out. Sweet relief for us all. I was glad that her body was resting. Bill and I started talking about whether I could handle being in the room since they were going to have to strap her down and I knew that if she could see/hear me and not get to me it would just make it harder for the doctor and the EMT to do what they needed to do. Also we were worried that the stress and adrenaline would put me in early labor. When the EMT came back they put Callie's arms into a pillow case and basically put her in a swaddle. Luckily she was still sleeping while they were doing this. Then came the pappoose and the velcro restraints over her legs and chest.
That's when I left to go meet with my parents in the waiting room. It was absolute agony being in that room while I knew that Callie was screaming for me. One of the funny things that happened was that when I walked out into the waiting room where my parents were what was showing on all of the tvs? The Sound of Music, one of the movies that I was named for.
After a while ( I have no idea how much time passed while we were at the ER) the EMT came to get me since they had finished. My baby girl looked so tired you almost wouldn't have recognized her. I don't think there is anything or anyone that could have stopped me from taking her out of Bill's arms. And we both cried and cried. I must have told her how sorry I was a gazillion times by the time the night was over. Bill got the discharge instructions and I rocked Callie like she was a newborn. Then another odd/funny thing happened. There had been a very young baby in the ER that had been crying most of the time we were there. All of a sudden Callie tried to leap out of my arms yelling "Baby! Baby!" Like she was saying "Someone help the baby!" I only hope she will be that protective of her baby sister.
We were so happy to leave it was amazing. When I carried her out to the waiting room where my parents were waiting she yelled out "Amma Amma!" for my mom and leaped into her arms. For the zillionth time, I was so glad my mom was there with us. We got her back into the car seat and headed home. I just leaned my head against the carseat and stared at her and thought "Oh my god. Its over. She's ok. I can't believe she is ok." As we drove I tried to remember if the dog was still in the house. Would he just be sleeping on the couch like nothing had happened? If he was in the house would he come after her again? Luckily in all the commotion before we left the house Bill, the ever level headed one, had put him outside.
I was a little worried about how she would react when she got home. Would she be scared? But nope. It was business as usual. Time for snuggles and Finding Nemo. She laid on my belly and chest and watched her favorite movie and I held her and didn't think I would ever be able to let her go.
Her face looked horrible. She pretty much looked like she had been mauled by a wild animal. There were 6 punctures and bites that they had to stitch up. One was on her eyelid. It is an absolute miracle that there seems to be no damage to the eye itself. One of her eyelids is still swollen shut but it is improving. We had to keep ointment on the stitches and try to keep the closed eyelid dry because the puncture on her lid drains right into the corner of her eye so it looks like she cries blood. Cleaning out her eye and keeping the ointment on is horrible of course, but we gotta do it.
When Nemo was over we wanted to try to keep our bedtime ritual so it was time to read. And of course she wanted to read Go Dog Go. Bill read to her while I cried because I know that we cannot in good faith keep our dog that has been our friend and companion for 10 years. Milo was scratching at the door the whole time we were reading. He might never go after her again but we just can't take that chance. I don't think he is a bad dog. I know that if he REALLY wanted to hurt her he would have gone for her neck and we would have lost her. I think he hit his limit with a toddler's poking and prodding and having food in front of his face. I really hope that we can find a good home for him. I can't even think about most of that decision yet, but I know it has to be done. So if any of you readers knows someone who doesn't have kids and that would like an older, mellow lovable full bred beagle please let me know. We are broken hearted over the whole situation.
We talked a lot about it after Callie went to sleep, taking stock of just how lucky we were. Bill told me what it was like in the room while they were stitching her up. I felt so guilty that I wasn't there but we both agreed it was the right decision. Bill had to help hold her down and just kept talking to her to try to calm her down. I am so glad that Bill could be there for our girl, even if I couldn't. He is my rock and I know I wouldn't have gotten through this without him holding me and Callie while she screamed and I cried. Just feeling his hand on my shoulder steadied me more than I thought possible. We also talked about the fact that we can't keep Milo. The more I thought about him, the more I told myself "You can't think about this. You have to get rid of him. You can't possibly take the chance that this could happen again. So just stop and do what you need to do."
Callie slept off and on through the night although I only slept about 4 hours. All I could see was her bloody face, crying out for me. I bolted out of bed everytime she cried. We ended up having a very mellow Christmas Day at home with my parents and Bill's parents came by as well. All in all it ended up being a nice day for all of us, even if a little bittersweet. We are so incredibly lucky that our baby girl is ok. The whole experience probably took at least 5 years off of our lives but we are definitely counting our blessings today. So hug your babies tight! They are the most precious things we have!
Bill and I spent a lot of time and energy leading up to Christmas deciding what we wanted to share with our little girl in terms of Christmas traditions. We decided on Christmas Eve with my family and tamales (as our usual tradition) and Christmas morning with just the three of us. Christmas afternoon/evening has always been with Bill's family in Morgan Hill.
So we were getting our tamale dinner all set up in the dining room on Christmas Eve when I heard it. The bark. Milo's bark that is usually reserved for attacking raccoons. Most of what happened next is a blur. But I know that I raced into the living room and started yelling something, probably Milo's name. And I saw my baby girl crying and scared. And that is saying something for Miss Callie, she is rarely scared. She is my tough chick. Over the next 24 hours I would learn just how tough she really is! I scooped her up and saw the blood. And cue the freak out. It was just starting to appear but there were at least 3 bite marks on her face from our normally very mellow beagle that we have had as our companion for the last 10 years. I took her into the kitchen and we tried to stop the bleeding with some towels and water to no avail. The blood just wouldn't stop. I was really trying to keep it together but I guess its kind of impossible when your child is bleeding!
So we hurriedly pulled a few things together, blew out candles, grabbed a blanket for Callie, more towels to mop up the blood for the car ride and we were off to the ER. I was so grateful for Bill's calm demeanor and thinking through the whole episode and for my mom's steady hand to keep me calm as well because I was pretty much a wreck. She kept my breathing even so I wouldn't pass out.
We brought Callie to the car and I wanted so badly to just hold her instead of putting her in the carseat, but we did put her in the seat since there were no bites on her arms of legs that would be pinched in the buckles. I think if it had just been me and Bill in the car I wouldn't have put her in the seat.
It was the longest car ride of my life. She screamed the entire way while we kept trying to stop the bleeding in the car. It slowed down a little by the time we got there. I can honestly say I have never been so damned scared in my entire life. There is no way to adequately describe what it feels like to be a mother and see your child's blood on your clothes and running down her face. And knowing that I was pretty much powerless to help her was awful. I don't even know how I put one foot in front of the other to get her to the hospital. So much of all of this is a blur but I think a lot of that has to do with all of the adrenaline that was pumping throughout my body.
When we walked into the ER it was empty except for a dad and his son. I knew it was bad when the receptionist was moving and talking so fast. Usually when we go to the ER they are methodically slow. They got our information and then we moved over to the nurse station which was an excercise in incredible pain and stupidity, as usual. Lots of questions, which is fine, I understand you need to know if we've given her any medications, blah blah. But come on, I was surprised we all had shoes on and found car keys with how panicked we all were. But the worst part was when they tried to weigh her. She had been screaming constantly since we left the house and now I was supposed to lay her down on a scale with blood dripping into her eyes? Didn't work at all, of course. And all of her screaming was opening up the cuts even more. So they had the big ole pregnant lady get on the scale with her daughter then pass her off to daddy and subtract the weight to figure out Callie's weight.
Finally we were whisked into our room where Callie was still screaming at the top of her lungs. I tried so hard to calm her down, singing, rocking, telling her it would be ok, that I was sorry, anything I could think of. Of course nothing worked and I just cried because I was so helpless and she was so scared and in pain.
An EMT named Michael Dunn ( who was absolutly amazing) came in and explained what they were going to have to do. He was incredibly sympathetic and had the perfect demeanor for the situation. He explained that normally they don't stitch up dog bites because of bacteria but these bites were so deep they didn't have a choice. The doctor also came in and started talking to me about scars and quite honestly I thought to myself "I really don't give a fuck if she has scars, I just want her to feel better and for the bleeding to stop!" And come on, a kid like Callie? The girl is going to have scars one way or another!
They both left for a while and Callie finally passed out. Sweet relief for us all. I was glad that her body was resting. Bill and I started talking about whether I could handle being in the room since they were going to have to strap her down and I knew that if she could see/hear me and not get to me it would just make it harder for the doctor and the EMT to do what they needed to do. Also we were worried that the stress and adrenaline would put me in early labor. When the EMT came back they put Callie's arms into a pillow case and basically put her in a swaddle. Luckily she was still sleeping while they were doing this. Then came the pappoose and the velcro restraints over her legs and chest.
That's when I left to go meet with my parents in the waiting room. It was absolute agony being in that room while I knew that Callie was screaming for me. One of the funny things that happened was that when I walked out into the waiting room where my parents were what was showing on all of the tvs? The Sound of Music, one of the movies that I was named for.
After a while ( I have no idea how much time passed while we were at the ER) the EMT came to get me since they had finished. My baby girl looked so tired you almost wouldn't have recognized her. I don't think there is anything or anyone that could have stopped me from taking her out of Bill's arms. And we both cried and cried. I must have told her how sorry I was a gazillion times by the time the night was over. Bill got the discharge instructions and I rocked Callie like she was a newborn. Then another odd/funny thing happened. There had been a very young baby in the ER that had been crying most of the time we were there. All of a sudden Callie tried to leap out of my arms yelling "Baby! Baby!" Like she was saying "Someone help the baby!" I only hope she will be that protective of her baby sister.
We were so happy to leave it was amazing. When I carried her out to the waiting room where my parents were waiting she yelled out "Amma Amma!" for my mom and leaped into her arms. For the zillionth time, I was so glad my mom was there with us. We got her back into the car seat and headed home. I just leaned my head against the carseat and stared at her and thought "Oh my god. Its over. She's ok. I can't believe she is ok." As we drove I tried to remember if the dog was still in the house. Would he just be sleeping on the couch like nothing had happened? If he was in the house would he come after her again? Luckily in all the commotion before we left the house Bill, the ever level headed one, had put him outside.
I was a little worried about how she would react when she got home. Would she be scared? But nope. It was business as usual. Time for snuggles and Finding Nemo. She laid on my belly and chest and watched her favorite movie and I held her and didn't think I would ever be able to let her go.
Her face looked horrible. She pretty much looked like she had been mauled by a wild animal. There were 6 punctures and bites that they had to stitch up. One was on her eyelid. It is an absolute miracle that there seems to be no damage to the eye itself. One of her eyelids is still swollen shut but it is improving. We had to keep ointment on the stitches and try to keep the closed eyelid dry because the puncture on her lid drains right into the corner of her eye so it looks like she cries blood. Cleaning out her eye and keeping the ointment on is horrible of course, but we gotta do it.
When Nemo was over we wanted to try to keep our bedtime ritual so it was time to read. And of course she wanted to read Go Dog Go. Bill read to her while I cried because I know that we cannot in good faith keep our dog that has been our friend and companion for 10 years. Milo was scratching at the door the whole time we were reading. He might never go after her again but we just can't take that chance. I don't think he is a bad dog. I know that if he REALLY wanted to hurt her he would have gone for her neck and we would have lost her. I think he hit his limit with a toddler's poking and prodding and having food in front of his face. I really hope that we can find a good home for him. I can't even think about most of that decision yet, but I know it has to be done. So if any of you readers knows someone who doesn't have kids and that would like an older, mellow lovable full bred beagle please let me know. We are broken hearted over the whole situation.
We talked a lot about it after Callie went to sleep, taking stock of just how lucky we were. Bill told me what it was like in the room while they were stitching her up. I felt so guilty that I wasn't there but we both agreed it was the right decision. Bill had to help hold her down and just kept talking to her to try to calm her down. I am so glad that Bill could be there for our girl, even if I couldn't. He is my rock and I know I wouldn't have gotten through this without him holding me and Callie while she screamed and I cried. Just feeling his hand on my shoulder steadied me more than I thought possible. We also talked about the fact that we can't keep Milo. The more I thought about him, the more I told myself "You can't think about this. You have to get rid of him. You can't possibly take the chance that this could happen again. So just stop and do what you need to do."
Callie slept off and on through the night although I only slept about 4 hours. All I could see was her bloody face, crying out for me. I bolted out of bed everytime she cried. We ended up having a very mellow Christmas Day at home with my parents and Bill's parents came by as well. All in all it ended up being a nice day for all of us, even if a little bittersweet. We are so incredibly lucky that our baby girl is ok. The whole experience probably took at least 5 years off of our lives but we are definitely counting our blessings today. So hug your babies tight! They are the most precious things we have!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Advice for about-to-be moms
I have two good friends who are due for the first babies in the next few weeks. Which of course makes me think of Callie's birth and my journey since that fateful day.
It's a little funny to think back on it and remember what a wreck I was! We took so many classes. Most months we had at least one class that took up a whole day or weekend. Mostly because I was so freaked out about birth. I think largely because we don't normally talk about it, unless you are hearing horror stories. Or maybe those are just the ones that stick in our memories. For whatever reason, we don't talk about the process all that much unless you are about to go through it.
Looking back, I'm not sure that I would change what we did, I met an amazing teacher: Heather Ward who helped me tremendously. Seriously, if you are expecting, go to her website. She is amazing. She said something that really stuck with me. She was talking about when you've reached your limit with a newborn. The screaming won't stop. You're exhausted and you feel like you're going to snap. She said: "Put the baby down in a safe place, like a crib. Pour yourself a glass of wine and go outside for a few minutes. Scream at the top of your lungs if you need to. " The thing I remember the most is that she said "WHEN this happens. Not if. It will." It definitely scared me, that word: when. I am totally the person that would normally say "Nah, not me. I can handle it." But she wouldn't let me. And I am eternally grateful for that. It was one of the few times I could tell myself, I am not alone. Heather told me this would happen so its ok.
A class that I wish I would've taken but didn't was a class on baby massage. It might sound silly but it really helped Callie when she was colicky. Luckily I found a dvd at the library on the subject and a very generous friend, Megan, who came over to show me one on one how to do it.
I wish I would've taken fewer classes on the birth process. The classes that our midwives taught covered everything I needed to know, I just didn't realize it at the time!
The bottom line is, about-to-be mamas, you just need to surround yourself with a good team. I was so lucky that I had a dream team. I had my husband, my doula, Tara Gomez ,my midwife Bethany Monte and my mom. Oh ya, and Milo, my dog. He wouldn't leave my side the whole day. It was oddly comforting to have that warmth near my feet as I braced against each contraction. If you have people around you that you are second guessing, that you might feel embarrassed around (about gee I don't know...being really naked!), or that you just don't trust, your labor will be much longer and harder. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to handle the pain or that my head would get in the way of what my body needed to do. Ends up I didn't need to worry. Sure birth is painful. But it is one day and it comes and goes. I had Bill and Tara there to hold my hand and tell me what to do and to make me eat.
Mamas: food is so important before you go to the hospital! Eat as many good carbs as you can when labor first starts. You won't feel like it later. In the later stages of labor, my favorite things to eat were honey sticks (they are amazing! the perfect burst of energy and very easy to eat) and high water content fruit like honeydew. I remember in the middle of the day Bill made me some gnocchi and it was really tough to eat but I am glad I did because I didn't really eat again until 2am when we were settled in our recovery room and I had almost passed out white as a ghost on the floor of the delivery room after losing too much blood.
Sleep. I really wish I had gone back to sleep after labor had started at 5am. But I was too excited. So if your labor starts in the middle of the night or early morning, get some more sleep because you are going to need all your energy. I remember in the midwives' class they said when labor starts in the middle of the night let your husband sleep. I'm pretty sure I rolled my eyes. I thought to myself, "What the hell? I have to feel contractions and water breaking and he gets to take a nap? Puhleaze." But they were right. You are going to be leaning on your partner, both literally and figuratively, more than you can imagine. You will be in probably the weakest state of mind of your entire life and you will need them at their best.
Stay home as long as you can. I am so glad I was able to labor most of my time at home, in my comfort zone. The minute you go into the hospital your stress level goes up and strangers are coming and going and you may have some make you feel about how long it is taking or that you're trying to avoid drugs and c sections. Obviously, the drawback at home is if you really want drugs you most likely won't have them there. And clearly, if you are struggling and you would feel better and safer in the hospital then GO!
When you get to the hospital, make friends with your nurses. Screw the doctor. He/she is going to come in at the very end of your labor, when the head is crowning, you know, when it is practically over. The nurses, however, are with you the whole time and you want them on your side. Our midwives had suggested bribery and we complied! We brought cakes and brownies baked by my amazing mom. We had amazing nurses and they were incredibly helpful and attentive and not pushy at all.
Also while in the hospital, make sure you pack some food/snacks for dad. When we got to our room at 2am we were both famished. Sure they bring meals for mama but nothing for dad, unless you want to pay. So we had lots of snacks in our hospital bag, I thought to get me through labor but it ended up being dinner for Bill. Also if you are going to have people visit you in the hospital ask them to bring a burrito or pizza or something for daddy. I will always remember when my mom was on her way to see us in the hospital, Bill called her and said "I will give you a million dollars if you bring me a burrito from Mondo Burrito." Poor guy was desperate!
And a word on visitors, you may want to limit it to the absolute minimum. You are going to be so tired and sore you might not feel like talking/seeing many people. Save the visits for when you get home and settled and you are more rested. Plus, you've got nurses coming in at all hours to check your bleeding, replace ice bags, work on breast feeding, give you medication and god knows what else.
Dads: rub her back if she is comfortable with it and don't be shy about it. However, some mamas in labor don't want to be touched at all and if that is the case, back away slowly. But in my case, I had nothing but back labor because Callie was facing backwards. It is the worst back pain I have every experienced. But Bill and Tara switched off grinding their fists and elbows into my lower back and it saved me. My midwife told me later that the location of my tattoo on my lower back was the perfect placement, she said it was like a bullseye! So spend some time BEFORE you go into labor figuring out what feels good and what doesn't. It is worth the time, especially for you dads so you don't get your head bitten off anymore than necessary:)
Take pictures. That was something that Tara did for us and I am so grateful. Some of my absolute favorite pictures are the ones she took just after Callie was born. When I want to hold on to that first feeling of meeting her I just look at the pictures. There was an amazing photo of Bill and I both looking at Callie for the first time and it will reduce me to tears everytime.
Sure there were a few in there that were not fit for public consumption, but that's ok. That's why we love digital, right? I'm not sure I would've liked having video but if you think you would, go for it.
But my most important piece of advice: let it go. Relax. Women's bodies have been doing this for, uh, well. Forever! We are literally built for it. You can do this. Stress will delay your labor and since the average for the first baby is 24 hours of labor, delay is not preferable:) You are strong enough and focused enough. You are amazing and your son or daughter is so lucky to have you for a mama.
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