Did You Hear What Happened to Charlotte King?

This was the title of last week's Private Practice. This episode was on one hand horrific but on the other a lightening rod for discussion. It has been rattling around in my head for days.
What does this have to do with Mama Drama? When I was pregnant with Callie, there was a horrible gang rape that happened to a student in Richmond. It affected me profoundly. Not just because I am a woman, but I was about to be a mother. It made the world for my unborn daughter that much scarier. I decided that I was glad I was having a girl. I would teach her to be strong and to fight, like I did. I feel incredibly blessed that I have been surrounded by strong women in my life. My mother especially. I went to an all girls school where I was encouraged to use my voice and cultivate my opinions not give in to anyone else's. I learned to shout.
Now that Callie is here I am even more determined to be stronger myself and to teach her strength and not give a shit about people that look down on strong women for not being ladylike and acting like a doormat. Fuck that.
In the episode, Charlotte is raped by a deranged mental patient (my beloved Nicholas Brendan. No longer will he be seen as the loveable doofus on Buffy!). She decided to keep the fact that she was raped a secret, so of course she doesn't report it. Rapes have been depicted in the media (tv, movies) before and typically I avoid those depictions because it is just too much for me. But I had a hunch that Shonda Rhimes depiction would be thought provoking. Charlotte is one of my favorite characters because she is so strong and doesn't take anyone's BS. Charlotte is guttural and will not allow herself to be seen as a victim. It was totally in line with Charlotte's character. When she is vulnerable she feels unsafe. She is in control most of the time. I do hope that over the rest of the season she decides to press charges. If she doesn't, it would obviously be realistic since so many rapes go unfiled. Over 60% of rapes in the united states go unreported. An even scarier statistic? 1 in 6 women will be raped in their lifetime. That is a truly frightening number. I even cringe at the word, rape. I hate that my students will say in passing "I got raped by that test." If they only knew what rape does. It destroys lives. It destroys a woman's self worth, their trust in men. And make no mistake it is about power. That is why I want to teach my daughter to have power and not let anyone take it away from her.
In recent months there have been at least 3 rapes on mainstream television. Gemma on Sons of Anarchy and someone on 90210. In all three, none of the characters reported the assault. I don't watch the other two shows, but I have also heard that the 3 characters have something else in common. They are strong women unafraid of their sexuality. Are they being punished for it? Is that the message the media is sending to strong women? Look out!
Is the media's role supposed to be one of depicting reality or what could be? I wish in this case television would use their power for good. There is one tv show that seems slightly more empowering, Law and Order SVU. They seem determined to show these women as survivors not victims.They rarely show the assault, but the resulting psychological harm and pain that is caused and the way they journey back to some semblence of their lives. I am torn about whether it is appropriate for television at all. On one hand it brings the issue into the light to show the world, hey look this is a huge problem and we need to talk about it. On the other, is it just too much?

Here is a quote from Charlotte on Private Practice. It will give you a sense of how heavy hitting this episode was:
"You ever been violated? Anybody rape you, lately? Let me tell you what it’s like. You know those made-for-tv movies where some woman is always crouched down naked in the shower, holding her knees and sobbing, ‘cause when she closes her eyes she can still feel the guy’s hands on her? How when they show the attack, the woman’s eyes go all blank and still, she goes to some other place in her mind just to deal with the horror of what’s happening to her, while some Lilith Fair song plays? It is nothing like that. It’s dirty and sweaty, and he licks your face, and he wipes himself off in your hair. And when you try to scream he punches you so hard you see God. And then he goes at you again…Raping stuff you didn’t even know you had, ‘cause he enjoyed it so much the first time. I know you’re trying to help, but if you helping me means that everyone is going to be looking at me like you’re looking at me now. Please, do not help me."

Thankfully after the episode ended, Charlotte gave a very good PSA about how to report assaults and where to go for help like RAINN. The actress that portrays her said that she met at length with rape survivors to make sure the experience was legitimate.



I pray to God or whatever is out there that my daughter will never have to experience this sort of terror or that those that she loves will experience it either. But I know it is out there. And it is not going away. But what I can do is help my daughter make good choices about the people she associates with, since most rapists are people the person knows.
I can shut my students down that use the word rape so causally.
Words have power, just as individuals do.
Shonda Rhimes, we are watching.