Callie's 2nd Christmas

I honestly don't know where to begin with this one. This is probably going to be a very rambly post, but I just need to get it all out!
Bill and I spent a lot of time and energy leading up to Christmas deciding what we wanted to share with our little girl in terms of Christmas traditions. We decided on Christmas Eve with my family  and tamales (as our usual tradition) and Christmas morning with just the three of us. Christmas afternoon/evening has always been with Bill's family in Morgan Hill.
So we were getting our tamale dinner all set up in the dining room on Christmas Eve when I heard it. The bark. Milo's bark that is usually reserved for attacking raccoons. Most of what happened next is a blur. But I know that I raced into the living room and started yelling something, probably Milo's name. And I saw my baby girl crying and scared. And that is saying something for Miss Callie, she is rarely scared. She is my tough chick. Over the next 24 hours I would learn just how tough she really is! I scooped her up and saw the blood. And cue the freak out. It was just starting to appear but there were at least 3 bite marks on her face from our normally very mellow beagle that we have had as our companion for the last 10 years. I took her into the kitchen and we tried to stop the bleeding with some towels and water to no avail. The blood just wouldn't stop. I was really trying to keep it together but I guess its kind of impossible when your child is bleeding!
So we hurriedly pulled a few things together, blew out candles, grabbed a blanket for Callie, more towels to mop up the blood for the car ride and we were off to the ER. I was so grateful for Bill's calm demeanor and thinking through the whole episode and for my mom's steady hand to keep me calm as well because I was pretty much a wreck. She kept my breathing even so I wouldn't pass out.
We brought Callie to the car and I wanted so badly to just hold her instead of putting her in the carseat, but we did put her in the seat since there were no bites on her arms of legs that would be pinched in the buckles. I think if it had just been me and Bill in the car I wouldn't have put her in the seat.
It was the longest car ride of my life. She screamed the entire way while we kept trying to stop the bleeding in the car. It slowed down a little by the time we got there. I can honestly say I have never been so damned scared in my entire life. There is no way to adequately describe what it feels like to be a mother and see your child's blood on your clothes and running down her face. And knowing that I was pretty much powerless to help her was awful. I don't even know how I put one foot in front of the other to get her to the hospital. So much of all of this is a blur but I think a lot of that has to do with all of the adrenaline that was pumping throughout my body.
When we walked into the ER it was empty except for a dad and his son. I knew it was bad when the receptionist was moving and talking so fast. Usually when we go to the ER they are methodically slow. They got our information and then we moved over to the nurse station which was an excercise in incredible pain and stupidity, as usual. Lots of questions, which is fine, I understand you need to know if we've given her any medications, blah blah. But come on, I was surprised we all had shoes on and found car keys with how panicked we all were. But the worst part was when they tried to weigh her. She had been screaming constantly since we left the house and now I was supposed to lay her down on a scale with blood dripping into her eyes? Didn't work at all, of course. And all of her screaming was opening up the cuts even more. So they had the big ole pregnant lady get on the scale with her daughter then pass her off to daddy and subtract the weight to figure out Callie's weight.
Finally we were whisked into our room where Callie was still screaming at the top of her lungs. I tried so hard to calm her down, singing, rocking, telling her it would be ok, that I was sorry, anything I could think of. Of course nothing worked and I just cried because I was so helpless and she was so scared and in pain.
An EMT named Michael Dunn ( who was absolutly amazing) came in and explained what they were going to have to do. He was incredibly sympathetic and had the perfect demeanor for the situation. He explained that normally they don't stitch up dog bites because of bacteria but these bites were so deep they didn't have a choice. The doctor also came in and started talking to me about scars and quite honestly I thought to myself "I really don't give a fuck if she has scars, I just want her to feel better and for the bleeding to stop!" And come on, a kid like Callie? The girl is going to have scars one way or another!
They both left for a while and Callie finally passed out. Sweet relief for us all. I was glad that her body was resting. Bill and I started talking about whether I could handle being in the room since they were going to have to strap her down and I knew that if she could see/hear me and not get to me it would just make it harder for the doctor and the EMT to do what they needed to do. Also we were worried that the stress and adrenaline would put me in early labor. When the EMT came back they put Callie's arms into a pillow case and basically put her in a swaddle. Luckily she was still sleeping while they were doing this. Then came the pappoose and the velcro restraints over her legs and chest.
That's when I left to go meet with my parents in the waiting room. It was absolute agony being in that room while I knew that Callie was screaming for me. One of the funny things that happened was that when I walked out into the waiting room where my parents were what was showing on all of the tvs? The Sound of Music, one of the movies that I was named for.
After a while ( I have no idea how much time passed while we were at the ER) the EMT came to get me since they had finished. My baby girl looked so tired you almost wouldn't have recognized her. I don't think there is anything or anyone that could have stopped me from taking her out of Bill's arms. And we both cried and cried. I must have told her how sorry I was a gazillion times by the time the night was over. Bill got the discharge instructions and I rocked Callie like she was a newborn. Then another odd/funny thing happened. There had been a very young baby in the ER that had been crying most of the time we were there. All of a sudden Callie tried to leap out of my arms yelling "Baby! Baby!" Like she was saying "Someone help the baby!" I only hope she will be that protective of her baby sister.
We were so happy to leave it was amazing. When I carried her out to the waiting room where my parents were waiting she yelled out "Amma Amma!" for my mom and leaped into her arms. For the zillionth time, I was so glad my mom was there with us. We got her back into the car seat and headed home. I just leaned my head against the carseat and stared at her and thought "Oh my god. Its over. She's ok. I can't believe she is ok." As we drove I tried to remember if the dog was still in the house. Would he just be sleeping on the couch like nothing had happened? If he was in the house would he come after her again? Luckily in all the commotion before we left the house Bill, the ever level headed one, had put him outside.
I was a little worried about how she would react when she got home. Would she be scared? But nope. It was business as usual. Time for snuggles and Finding Nemo. She laid on my belly and chest and watched her favorite movie and I held her and didn't think I would ever be able to let her go.
Her face looked horrible. She pretty much looked like she had been mauled by a wild animal. There were 6 punctures and bites that they had to stitch up. One was on her eyelid. It is an absolute miracle that there seems to be no damage to the eye itself. One of her eyelids is still swollen shut but it is improving. We had to keep ointment on the stitches and try to keep the closed eyelid dry because the puncture on her lid drains right into the corner of her eye so it looks like she cries blood. Cleaning out her eye and keeping the ointment on is horrible of course, but we gotta do it.
When Nemo was over we wanted to try to keep our bedtime ritual so it was time to read. And of course she wanted to read Go Dog Go. Bill read to her while I cried because I know that we cannot in good faith keep our dog that has been our friend and companion for 10 years. Milo was scratching at the door the whole time we were reading. He might never go after her again but we just can't take that chance. I don't think he is a bad dog. I know that if he REALLY wanted to hurt her he would have gone for her neck and we would have lost her. I think he hit his limit with a toddler's poking and prodding and having food in front of his face. I really hope that we can find a good home for him. I can't even think about most of that decision yet, but I know it has to be done. So if any of you readers knows someone who doesn't have kids and that would like an older, mellow lovable full bred beagle please let me know. We are broken hearted over the whole situation. 
We talked a lot about it after Callie went to sleep, taking stock of just how lucky we were. Bill told me what it was like in the room while they were stitching her up. I felt so guilty that I wasn't there but we both agreed it was the right decision. Bill had to help hold her down and just kept talking to her to try to calm her down. I am so glad that Bill could be there for our girl, even if I couldn't. He is my rock and I know I wouldn't have gotten through this without him holding me and Callie while she screamed and I cried. Just feeling his hand on my shoulder steadied me more than I thought possible. We also talked about the fact that we can't keep Milo. The more I thought about him, the more I told myself "You can't think about this. You have to get rid of him. You can't possibly take the chance that this could happen again. So just stop and do what you need to do."

Callie slept off and on through the night although I only slept about 4 hours. All I could see was her bloody face, crying out for me. I bolted out of bed everytime she cried. We ended up having a very mellow Christmas Day at home with my parents and Bill's parents came by as well. All in all it ended up being a nice day for all of us, even if a little bittersweet. We are so incredibly lucky that our baby girl is ok. The whole experience probably took at least 5 years off of our lives but we are definitely counting our blessings today. So hug your babies tight! They are the most precious things we have!