Selling Her Short

Callie is well entrenched in the terrible twos. And let me tell you, that name barely gives it justice. It is exhausting! She is constantly pushing the boundaries; finding exactly where the line is. Her level of communication is expanding rapidly, but it still fails her. Which leads to normal, yet exasperating behaviors like biting and pushing. I have to constantly remind myself that she is not becoming a monster. She is not deranged. She is not a bully. She is just 2. And I can't wait until it is over! Sometimes I feel like all I do is yell "No!" or "Stop Callie!" or "Not Safe!" One of the struggles we have had over the last couple of months is that I have had to try to make her more responsive to verbal commands and instructions. Callie has always been very physically minded, but now that more often than not, I have Lucia in my arms I can't necessarily stop and put my hand on Callie's shoulder to stop her from doing something dangerous. Which has led to a lot of loud voices. But it seems to be working, most of the time:) Some days a bulldozer wouldn't stop this girl.

 And then there are moments when she surprises me so completely I think I will pass out. Like on Wednesday. I took her to story time at the Rosegarden Library thinking it could be a total disaster, but wanted to give her some more academic stimulation since we are most likely passing on preschool this fall (more on that later). I hadn't taken her to a library storytime since she had gotten mobile; she just wouldn't sit still or listen to the story. And she went and astounded me. She had an amazing time. It helped that the theme of the books and songs were rabbits. She was so happy. She even sat down most of the time.

 Except when those pesky rabbits showed up on the felt board. I could see her trying so hard to contain herself and not grab them off the board! She had so much fun participating in the songs and dances with her friend S. Thank goodness S was there! Callie loves her completely and I could tell her "Callie, sit down next to S." when she was getting too excited or antsy. Which was a saving grace since Lucia wanted to be held and bounced.  Callie looked so grown up following along and I was so proud of her I was positively electric. And in that moment I realized that I had been selling her short. She can participate in circle time. She could handle preschool if she/we wanted to. I had been really trying to be respectful of who she is and what she can do. And I was going much too far in the other direction. So are we going to put her in preschool this fall? Probably not. But I'm glad that the reason isn't because she wouldn't be able to handle the structure. We will have plenty of time for school. But she will only be my little girl for so long. In the meantime I am going to try to find ways to stimulate her mind not just her active body! We are starting a My Toddler Time class this weekend and I hopeful that it will present some good stimulation for all of us! Storytime was a great reminder to keep trying new things with toddlers. They are always changing and ready for new challenges! Good job Callie! I will try to keep up:)

Recharging the Mom Battery

Today was my day to recharge and reset. My mom was thoughtful and present enough to know what I needed when I didn't. It was literally, the offer I was not allowed to refuse. And thank goodness. For the past week or so I have been experiencing a little bit of what it is like to be a single mother or a mother that has very little help. I told myself that I could handle it, because what other choice did I have? Well it ends up I can't. None of us can. We all need something. Some down time. Some time to think. Some time to be alone.
So what did I do today? I went to breakfast and I didn't even look at the children's menu. I went shopping for me. Not for baby clothes or anything that said "T" on the label. And I didn't do it in record time. I went slowly. I went to a movie. That wasn't animated. I didn't let myself "get anything done." I didn't do laundry. I didn't cook. I didn't run errands. And then I came home to silence. The beauty of silence is one that I don't get to experience very often.
It was day without screaming or tantrums. No one was kicking, biting and pushing me. It was a day without diapers and calls for Caillou or ElmoAbby or Bolt or calls for Daddy or any other demands. It was a day for me. Every mom needs one. Not wants, needs. We all need to find a way to do it. Even if its just for an hour or two. If we don't recharge and reset we are useless to our children, our husbands, our jobs or any other responsibilities we have. We will become the definition of burnt out.
I knew how much I needed it when I was in tears this morning because I haven't slept more than two hours at a time for a week. And not more than 4 at a time for just over 11 weeks. And I was in tears when I was driving home alone from watching a movie. Alone. Because I couldn't remember the last time I was alone with thoughts of what I wanted and needed to refill my cup.
We tell ourselves we can do it all because it has become expected of us to be SuperMom, SuperWife, SuperEmployee and it just isn't possible. We have been programmed to do it all and if we complain or feel a little less than totally fulfilled, we suck at it and we did this to ourselves. We need to be loved and respected and once in a while we need someone to take the reins from us. And if it is just on one sunday in May or on our birthday, well that just isn't good enough. If it is out of obligation it stings. We don't want to be a day on a calendar. We don't want to be thought of as "Oh damn. Its mom's birthday. I guess I better call her."  We want to be a wednesday. Just because. Because sometimes we are lost and we don't know it until we look up from the carpools and the meal plans and the diapers and preschool and the hell that is bedtime.
So for goodness sakes. Call your mother. Or text your mother. Or email your mother. Show her that you think of her and give her a break. Take her out for coffee or lunch or a glass of wine or shopping. Or just take the kids so she can have a nap or some quiet time to herself. And moms, if you don't get one of these offers, make one yourself. Tell your partners or anyone that can help what you need. Even if you don't know what you need, say something out loud otherwise no one will ever hear you. And it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or your husband. In fact it means the opposite.