When Callie was a mere few weeks old Bill attended a bachelor party. It was a harrowing experience for me. Here I was feeling totally un-confident in my abilities to take care of this baby and he was leaving me on my own. I thought, oh he will only be gone for a couple of hours. Ooooh. No. About 10 hours later he returned. The crappy part was it was in Santa Cruz so by the time he texted me and said he was coming home I was passed done and of course that meant he was still an hour away. Thankfully my mom came over to help me. If it hadn't been for a very good friend, I'm not sure I would have agreed. Part of me feels like I'm never gonna let him live it down, until recently.
It had become clear that Bill needed an outlet of some kind. I tried to get him to go to a dad's group that our friend leads, but he didn't seem too interested. And honestly, this is the first week that I felt ok to tell him, "you know, you really should go out with some of your guy friends for a drink or something." This week I finally felt like I had this stuff under control. We also made a plan to have an exercise date every thursday, starting this week.
So last night, he very cautiously broached the idea of another bachelor party for another friend. This time it is during the week on a thursday, a mere 3 days after we get back from our trip. So now I am faced with a 16 hour stretch of just me and the baby. And the though of it is freaking me out already. Part of me wants to say, ok, you can have this night, but when do I get mine? The longest I have left her with him has been 3-4 hours tops. It just doesn't feel fair. And worse, my panic is already setting in, which I know is probably what brought on my PPD in the first place. So I am of two minds. I want him to have some guy time, I know he needs it. But I know that I am really going to resent it if he comes home drunk at 3am unable to help me with the baby.
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