Making Decisions

So I've been going round and round trying to figure out what to do about next year. I've been searching for day cares that offer half/partial day rates, low teacher to child ratios, and letting us send our choice of food with her. I was hoping to find a montessori day care/preschool that Callie could stay at all the way until going to kindergarten but it became clear that just wasn't really going to happen. I found one place I liked in Almaden. It had reasonable rates and it seemed just about perfect. Then I got their food list (and they don't allow you to send your own food). Here is their list: fish sticks, chicken nuggets, pizza, mac and cheese, quesadillas. Ugh. So I thought, why am I busting my butt to give Callie healthy, unprocessed food only to have it undone once she turns 18 months?
I thought about it for a few days. I had a plan in my mind that went like this "If Bill drops her off after 8:30 she can't have breakfast there and if I pick her up before noon she can't eat lunch there." The longer I thought these thoughts, it just seemed stupid. So I decided it was a deal breaker.
I went back to another Montessori school. It was MUCH more expensive, almost $1400 a month for partial day. They let me just take Callie into the infant room and just hang out. It was awesome! The teacher's name is Esperanza and she was fabulous. She has been working there for 15 years and just loves babies. I had all of my questions answered, but I sat there watching Callie play with toys and other kids and I thought to myself: "What am I doing?" " Do I really need to put her here?" I was of two minds: I don't want to leave her here for too long, yet I would want to get my money's worth. And well, that just seems dumb. I thought to myself, "I should only put her here if we really HAVE to."
So I thought I would talk to my principal at school to find out my options. I said "I want to talk to you about next year." And she knew immediately. She said " Are you thinking about taking another year?" And I heard myself say "Ya, I think so." April has always been incredibly supportive of me and I consider her to be a treasured friend. She told me that I could extend my leave a year if I wanted to. I started thinking and saying "Would I wake up 5 years from now wishing I had gone back to work earlier? Hmm. Probably not. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but would I wake up in 5 years and wish I had taken another year with my daughter? Hmmm. Probably yes."
Bill and I talked about the feasability of it in terms of financials. And sometimes, decisions seem to make themselves. Someone once told me "advice is what you ask for when you already know the answer." And I think I do. I don't want to look back and regret how fast Callie grew up and I was stressing out about parent emails and student essays rather than enjoying her first steps and first words. We are so incredibly lucky that this is even an option for us, especially in this valley! I am watching Callie crawl around on the floor and turn around and flash me the most beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life. Those are the moments I will have forever. And that I will never regret. I have the rest of my life to grade essays, help students and make money, but this will only happen once. I'm sure I will have days when I think "Oh good lord. Get me out of here and let me go to work!" But I am hopeful that those days won't outnumber the ones where I look at Callie and laugh. Like right this second, Callie is standing up against the ottoman and smacking it with her hand and squealing with delight. And so am I.