The Mommy Wars Get Political

I rarely talk about anything remotely connected to a presidential campaign on this blog but when Hilary Rosen spoke about Mrs. Romney saying "she had never worked a day in her life"  that puts it in the realm of this blog. Her words were poorly chosen, that is for sure. I imagine her career is pretty much kaput at this point. It did surprise me that there was such a knee jerk reaction to her comments. After all she was talking about a candidate's wife who I assume would in some ways influence her husband's view on what women need in this recession in terms of jobs and support. So I can see both sides of it. I can see the whole put your hand on your hip put on a scowl and exclaim "What did you just say?" but I also see where she was trying to go with it. Instead of it being a conversation about how to get more jobs in the hands of women and their families it became about mommies and the war we wage against each other.
It is sad to me that the mommy wars never seems to abate. And it is a war fought for and by women. We are the ones that fire the shots and take the beatings. We are only hurting ourselves. It seems that we haven't gotten very far in the last 50 years. Why are we still fighting each other over the same petty things?
Work is work whether it is paid or not. All mothers are working mothers. Cliche? You bet. But it is true. I know that I am very lucky and not the norm that I am able to stay home with my girls. And I am so thankful for that opportunity. But it is not without sacrifice. We have made some very lean cuts to our budget in the last two years and will make even bigger ones this year so that I can stay home with Lucia and Callie. We don't go out to eat very often and if we do its to a place like Chili's and boy oh boy it is exciting!  We don't go on big vacations. I won't be putting Callie in preschool like I had planned this year but we will wait a year. We have gotten rid of as many luxuries as we can to whittle down our monthly expenses. It is going to be a tough year.
And yes, I could have gone back to work in the fall to be more comfortable financially. But at what cost? I would have lost this precious time with my girls and most likely a very good teacher would have been laid off because of my return. Now of course I could very well get screwed when I come back, since now I have lost my seniority and tenure that took years to build up. But I decided that my job of mother was more important at this point in our family's lives. And I know myself well enough that I would have been miserable in both realms. When I was at work I would feel guilty about not being with the girls and when I was with the girls I would feel guilty about not grading essays or creating dynamic lessons for my students. At this point in my life I am not willing to divide myself so completely when with a little frugality I can focus my attention on my girls.
I take my hat off to the working moms out there. On the days I was subbing last year I really struggled when I came home to deal with Callie in a positive way. I was tired from working and I got home to get her just in time for her cranky time of day. Parenting still occurs after the work day or at least it should. Hopefully all the parenting isn't being outsourced to day care providers. But there were days where I wished I could! I remembered feeling like I had two jobs and they were both hard in their own ways. While I worked during the day it was mentally taxing while my job with Callie was physically taxing. By the time bedtime rolled around I was a wreck. Of course, being pregnant and hormonal didn't help! 
Now do I think Mrs. Romney gave up vacations and other luxuries? Doubtful. The Romneys certainly aren't what you would call middle class! I would guess they had a cook and a nanny to help her with her 5 boys. But regardless it was their family's choice and it really isn't anyone else's business to judge who she is as a woman and what her worth is. Sure she is a public figure because of her husband's career choice but then let's make it about him.
Every year the articles come out about what a stay at home mother would make if she was paid. Those articles are interesting but they also reinvigorate the mommy wars. Take a look at the comments page from those articles. It is as ugly as it gets. Working moms think Stay at Home moms are lazy and the stay at home moms think the working moms are heartless. Everyone loses. I just want to go all Rodney King on the situation and plead "Can't we all just get along?" We all work. It is all hard. And we all want to be respected, if not compensated, for the work that we do. Can we just leave it at that?